Weddings are supposed to be the one of the happiest days in a couple’s lives, but really, they’re a recipe for a disaster. Take a bunch of people who already don’t like each other, (i.e. a family), put them in the same room, heighten their emotions, and feed them a superhuman amount of alcohol, and things are gonna get ugly quick. It’s amazing when a wedding doesn’t end with the cops being called, is what I’m saying.

Today we’ve got fifteen stories of weddings that were thoroughly derailed by their guests. By the end of this article, you may even be tempted to elope.

1. Mom’s Lingerie

When I married my husband four years ago, my mother decided she wanted to change everything. She called the florist pretending to be me, changed the size of her bouquet so it was substantially larger than mine and changed the colors of the flowers. I didn’t know this until I saw her prancing herself down the aisle.

But before all that, let me start with, she showed up late and drunk.

She then proceeded to fight because she wanted more pictures taken of her before I walked down the aisle. Then she also decided it would be most appropriate to wear a negligee (see-through nightgown). So we are already late to my wedding, wearing bedtime clothes walking down the aisle, drunk and with a giant bouquet of random color flowers. At the reception, we learned she changed my cake topper out for her own when she got married, which she smuggled in inside a shoe box. Then at the end of the night, she was so drunk she got mad we didn’t want her coming with us when we wanted to leave the party and go to our room.

She was obviously the greatest wedding guest ever. At least we can laugh about it now.

2.  Party animal

My worst wedding guest was my SIL (husbands brothers wife) She got so shitfaced (like usual) she threw candy at me during the speeches, slapped two groomsmen in the face, smashed cheesecake into my husband’s eyes and grinded with her cousin during the mother/son dance. I was asked multiple times that night by family and friends what the hell was wrong with her… I just told them she was an alcoholic. It was humiliating. Almost 6 years later and we still haven’t spoken.

3.  The understudy

A girl that had a crush on my hubby came to our wedding in a wedding dress, then sat on his lap during the reception and hugged him. Needless to say, my three bridesmaids threw her out!

4.  Easy Riders

My mom’s half sister got married when I was like 13. The reception was at a hotel, and about halfway through, some former friends of the bride (5-6 of them who weren’t invited) showed up and tried to start a fight. They got kicked out but they weren’t done. They somehow got back in and rode three motorcycles through the main floor. Needless to say, a ton of cops were called. After that settled down, the groom got so wasted he ended up doing drunken handstands on the dance floor and passed out.

5.  Room for one more?

At our wedding, we had invited a couple we barely knew at that time. Well, the woman in that relationship got a little bit too drunk. After the ceremony, I am walking around greeting guests and she pulled me aside to the side of the venue and tried to make out with me.

After I ever so gracefully just swatted her off and went about my way and as the night is wrapping up, me and my husband are heading to our hotel. There she was just waiting to ask both of us in front of her boyfriend “Wheres your hotel?! I want to join!”

We just gave her some random hotel and room number and her boyfriend mouthed “I’m so sorry” as we left.

6.  Working blue

We got married a couple months ago on my husband’s family farm.

My dad lives close by, so he let us borrow his camper to stay in and he just went home when the reception was over.

During supper, we had ‘open mic’ for guests to have stories about us. My dad’s friend, who was quite intoxicated at the time, gets up for 3^rd time and all 300+ guests are dreading what he’s about to say.

So he starts telling everyone how much money this camper cost my Dad, about how it’s only a couple years old, and how we are going to bend the jacks on it tonight and my husband is going to have to tell my dad, and my dad will probably beat the shit out of him. I wanted to crawl under the head table in that moment.

7.  Hell hath no fury like…

I was a guest at a wedding in a very upscale community. All the wedding guests were seated in the church wearing their designer outfits. The priest was in place, the groom at the altar, and the organist started to play the wedding march. The bride was about to be escorted to the altar by her brother. As the flower girls walked down the aisle all of a sudden we heard screams, and a loud commotion.

Apparently, the brother of the bride had dumped his girlfriend right before the wedding, so the crazy ex decided she was going to ruin his sister’s big day. She physically attacked the bride, gauging fingernails in her face, tearing her veil off her head. She also was trying to rip the wedding gown off of the bride.

Guests were trying to break up the attack. The mother of the bride dumped a bowl of holy water over the ex-girlfriend’s head and it took 6 grown men to finally physically restrain the ex girlfriend. The priest just stood at the altar shouting “Jesus Christ” and rattled off a bunch of prayers. (Some of them even sounded like he was performing an exorcism!)

The police were called, 5 patrol cars responded and the brother’s ex girlfriend was eventually arrested. After an hour delay so that the bride’s dress could be repaired, the wedding finally took place.

We found out at the reception that the ex-girlfriend had been committed to a mental institution. Unfortunately, the bride had cuts all over her face but the wedding photographer was able to retouch them out of the wedding pictures. This wedding was definitely soap-opera worthy, and is a true legend in the town.

8.  It’s politics, baby.

My aunt was getting married to my uncle, who is a prominent politician. He’s been invited to The White House many times for holiday parties and such. Keep in mind this was in 2007, so Obama hadn’t been elected yet, but my uncle was working very hard to support him in that endeavor.

My aunt’s stepmother (my step-grandmother) has three kids, and her oldest son (we’ll call him Mark) is just an absolute slimeball. His wife and son aren’t much better, but he’s the main character in this story.

Mark has what is graciously called a self-publishing company, with the stupidest name you could think of. People desperate to self-publish pay him a boatload to do so, and he takes a huge cut while scamming them all the way. One of his own books in the works was, I kid you not, “Is America Ready For a Black or Female President?” (Remember, Hillary was running then, too.) The book was literally just a single quote on each page from different friends of his, saying things like, “Yes,” “No,” and “I’m not sure.” Total garbage.

Mark had been asking my uncle to write an introduction the book, to make it more legit. My uncle kept asking him very patiently if they could discuss this at some point after the wedding, but no. At the reception, Mark continued to hound my uncle for a commitment to writing the introduction, handed out business cards to all the guests (they say Thought Leader Architect on them, I swear I am not making this up), got drunk, and was just generally a completely obnoxious asshole.

It didn’t end there. My uncle is too polite and nice to tell his new stepbrother to take a hike. While Mark and his family live on the West Coast, they do visit the East Coast from time to time. When they’re there, they call my uncle and demand favors, like getting a private tour of The White House, or getting an autographed picture of Obama, etc., even though that’s not really something my uncle can get them. It will never stop.

9.  Magic Mike

I was a groomsman for my friends’ wedding. The night before the wedding, the bride had her bachelorette party, and we (the groom and groomsmen) set up the reception hall.

The bride calls me later for a ride home, which was odd at first, but I go get her. When I get there she says “Hi honey,” hugs me and tells me to just go along with it. I didn’t put it together, but she was in a male strip club. A half naked guy runs out saying it was good to see you (the bride) again. She tells me that was her ex boyfriend and the bridesmaids thought it would be funny to have him strip for her (the bride didn’t find it funny at all).

The next day at the ceremony, the stripper shows up. He was respectful and a really nice guy, but the bridesmaids couldn’t hold a straight face and the bride was so mad, she made the bridesmaids walk a couple miles to the reception. I told the groom about him and he thought it was hilarious.

10. “Nah, we don’t need a babysitter.”

The worst wedding guest I’ve ever encountered was my niece’s new mother-in-law. She wanted nothing to do with the wedding planning, but then showed up half an hour late (after the outdoor ceremony had already begun), and at the reception, tried to rearrange the buffet and cake tables to her liking since she didn’t like the way things had been set up.

About 30 min. into the reception, she left with her daughter (groom’s sister) supposedly to go get the newly married couple a wedding present. What no one realized until they had been gone for awhile is that the daughter left her 15-month old baby there toddling around with no one actually watching her. The child climbed onto the table and started demolishing the wedding cake.

The sister also had 2 other, older, children who were left unattended, but they were out running around somewhere playing in the park. The pair returned after about an hour or so (no wedding present in sight) and the mother starts tearing down all the decorations saying she thought the reception was “over.”

She then made the photographer redo all the pictures so she and her daughter could be in them. She also made a scene because no one made a dress for “Mary.” Mary was the groom’s little sister and one of the kids left running around that day. I guess that comment was directed at me, since I had made a white dress for the bride’s little sister, who was the flower girl. In the end, we had to rearrange the cake for pics of the cake cutting so that the damage the child made wouldn’t show, but there is a baby bottle clearly visible in every single damn picture of the cake.

11. Cultural insensitivity

My husband and I got married at a beautiful German restaurant owned by a German family. My father in law drank too much (as usual) and smashed a glass that cut the bartenders hand open. The owner asked him to settle down and he decided to do the goose-step and Hitler salute in the middle of our reception for all our guests to see, including the owners. It safe to say our wedding wrapped up pretty fast after that and we never returned to the restaurant again. I’m still mortified at the thought of it.

12. “Slobberknockered”

We had a relatively small wedding, just 100 people, including a whole bunch of my family visiting from the other side of the country. My husband’s groomsman, “Jim”, decided to get drunk. Whatever, no big deal, we all were a little sozzed. Jim, however, decided to get fall over, sloberknockered drunk, and on the bus ride from our wedding venue to the hotel, puked out the open bus window. We were on a large highway. His vomit traveled down the side of the bus and directly into the open window of my 80 year old grandmother and aunt visiting from the other side of the country. We don’t speak to Jim any more.

13. Sometimes, the officiant is the worst.

We hired a sweet old lady to marry us. The night before the wedding at the rehearsal she was different. She had a huge scar across her neck and her speech was slurred. I don’t know if it was surgery and she was hopped up on pain meds or if she pissed off a bride the week before. She was mean as hell.

We paid her extra to do the rehearsal and my parents were 10 minutes late because they stopped to pay the caterer and their system was down. She wanted to have the rehearsal without my dad to walk me down. I told her she was going to wait, again it was 10 minutes.

She barked orders at everyone once it got started and was even mean to the flower girl. I was so upset I could barely go to sleep that night worrying about the minister the next day. So we’re lining up to do the ceremony and I see she has a book with her speech all written out and my name is even highlighted.

Well she starts calling me the wrong name part way through the ceremony then back to the right one. When she goes back to the wrong name my sister corrects her out loud.

Immediately after the ceremony she demanded payment from my parents and was very rude about it. Then she had the nerve to ask for a review on one of those wedding websites. I told her she really didn’t want me to do that. No apologies or anything. Best part is we have video of this and it’s pretty funny to go back and watch.

14. The trifecta

At my wedding, there were three, each with their own individual antics.

The first was one of my bridesmaids who had yet to have her bridesmaid dress hemmed and altered only days before the wedding; had been talking smack about me behind my back during the whole planning process; and during the reception ended up flashing some friends of the family while at the bar. She was a real peach.

The second guest was the best man… yes, the best man. When it came time for his speech, I silently cringed, because I had an idea of the sh*tshow we were gonna be in for. See, the best man was so close to my ex-husband that the two would finish each other’s sentences, literally talk on the phone each and every day, and would end each phone call with an ‘I love you.’ It was the weirdest friendship I had ever witnessed.

So, as the best man pulls out several pages he wrote out to read from, he starts going on and on about how he and my ex-husband shared a bond no one could ever live up to. Guests literally start to yawn and look around the room with this look on their face like they were looking for the Candid Camera because they were on a prank show. I had so many guests and family members come up to me at the end and ask ‘what in the hell was up with that guy?’

But the third and ultimate worst guest was one groomsman’s girlfriend. First, let me start by saying how much I could not stand this chick. Every time she was brought around, she would flirt with my ex-husband, and I just got the vibe that she was a little batsh*t crazy.

Anyways, we’re at the reception and she starts dropping F-bombs on the dance floor as she drunkenly told me how ‘f-ing beautiful’ it was that we included my daughter in our ceremony vows, and how she wishes she was a better ‘f-ing mom’ to her kid. That was just the start. She ended up spending the whole evening walking around, talking obnoxiously loudly, and then dropping one of the glass candle holders we were given as a wedding gift when she insisted on helping us bring all the gifts to our car at the end.

But the grand finale was when she went up on stage to pull down the top of her dress to show everyone what she had under it, and then proceed to roll around like a toddler and flash everyone, showing how she went commando that day… all while my then-4-year-old daughter was up there playing with her cousin. Needless to say, I no longer talk to any of these individuals. The ex inherited them all in the divorce.

15. Grandma’s dirty tricks

A few years ago my aunt was getting married to a guy, (a Purple Heart veteran), our whole family loved. I am fortunate enough to know, (or have known), most of my great-grandparents. My great-grandmother was a formidable woman, to say the least.

She constantly pitted her children, (3 boys and 2 girls), against one another, made rude comments about family members to their faces, and was obsessed with getting attention. If she felt that people weren’t paying enough attention to her, she’d pretend to faint or have some sort of medical scare that required hospitalization. It got to the point where nurses and doctors knew us by name, even though time and time again it was proven that absolutely nothing was wrong with her.

So the ceremony starts and my younger cousins are the ring bearers walking out first. Then come my great grandparents. Suddenly, my cousin nudges me (we were next in line to walk) and we see that my great grandmother has left a trail of the most drippy, foul-smelling poop behind her.

She was literally soiling herself while walking down the aisle.

Now, some people may believe this was an accident, and this poor old lady was having bathroom issues and couldn’t help it. Not the case. She was laughing maniacally the whole way down the aisle, and as she sat down.

My cousins and I scrambled to clean it up before my aunt and uncle walked, but pretty much everyone had seen what had happened. The rest of the wedding was great, and my great grandmother insisted on leaving 2 minutes after pooping everywhere because she was bored.

 

h/t: Someecards