I have a theory: when it comes to men, you either go gray or you go bald. You see very few fellas past their 40s who have a full head of the same color hair they did when they were young.

As for me, like all the men in my family, I started going gray pretty early. Oh well, what can you do…

Let’s get to the bald tweets!

1. That’ll show ’em!

As a bald guy, nothing makes me happier than when someone gets lice.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 12, 2014

2. A lot of weirdos walking around.

Think of how fun balding would be if instead of losing hair you kept the same amount of hair & your head just got bigger & bigger

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 23, 2013

3. Sure…

at first I hated that I was going bald, but now I think this naturally developing tonsure may be a sign of God's blessings upon me

— Tommy Tighe (@theghissilent) August 13, 2018

4. Kids really are adorable.

"Dad when are you getting rid of your bald spot?" – Patrick my 6 years old son/torturer.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 17, 2018

5. Doing a great job!

I'm not going bald, I'm letting my forehead grow.

— DansGaming (@Dansgaming) August 10, 2019

6. She’s not feeling it.

As I wiped the sweat off my bald head with a dish towel because I ate hot soup, my wife has to be questioning every decision she's ever made

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) May 14, 2015

7. What’s that I see?

My haircut lady today:
“Your hair has really changed since I’ve been cutting it over the last 6 months.”

Me
“How so?”

Her
“I see more of your scalp.”

Me
“That’s a very nice way of saying I’m going bald.”

?

— Daniel Jeremiah (@MoveTheSticks) January 9, 2019

8. I’d like to see that.

If you vote me to be God I'll redesign balding patterns to occur on the sides of the head so that you get a cool Mohawk, not a naked scalp!!

— Kelen Keller (@KelenKeller38) July 21, 2015

9. That’s pretty funny.

the balding optimist refers to his receding hairline as a proceeding bareline.

— Chris Baio (@OIAB) May 3, 2012

10. Grandma and Grandpa.

Couldn't see without my glasses on and reached for my husband's balding shampoo in the shower, so we are in no way geriatric.

— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 1, 2016

11. You’re growing up.

I’ve gone from hoping I get my hair back to simply wishing everyone else goes bald. That’s called “Maturity.”

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) September 2, 2019

12. Very cool!

Based on this commercial, Hair Club for Men replaces balding men's scalps with the scalps of dead Uncle Jesse dudes from the 90s. Cool!!!

— Anders Holm (@ders808) August 12, 2014

13. I see it everywhere.

I’m hoping to bring the “half bald, half in denial” hairdo back in vogue.

— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) March 31, 2019

14. Make a wise choice.

Being this bald there's a tremendous amount of pressure buying my next bottle of shampoo because it's going to be a lifetime supply.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) February 13, 2012

15. Is there nothing else?

"Being bald is your thing, dad." – My 9 year old

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 3, 2015

So which one is it, older guys? Are you going bald or going gray? Or are you one of the a**holes who must just be perfect and touched by the Hand of God?

Psshhhhhh….