Being able to roast your parents is an art form. Not everyone can excel in this field, but if you can, you deserve our honor and respect.
These kids did a pretty damn good job, in my opinion.
Me to my son: You remind me of me.
Son: That's just mean.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 16, 2016
2. No it doesn’t!
My 6yo daughter just caught me getting out of the shower.
"It looks like a minion!"
— WyNZ (@WynRichards) August 27, 2016
3. Thanks a lot
6yo: Mommy, when you get older will you look all gross?
Me: What do you mean, 'gross'?
6yo: Like how you are now, but wrinklier.
— Kristen Mae (@AbandonPretense) August 27, 2016
Kid in Gavin's class: Is Gavin going to have a baby sister?
Kid: Oh sorry…I misunderstood your dress.#kidburn
— Tabitha Doddridge (@dontcallmetabby) May 25, 2018
5. You can starve from now on
Me: We all make mistakes.
5: Even you?
5: Oh yeah! Like when you're trying to cook food that tastes good but then it doesn't?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 15, 2016
6. I know…
10: Mom what's a metaphor?
Me: My life is a train wreck.
10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?
— Sardonic Tart (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014
7. Is that what you call it?
Me: Please get dressed.
9yo: But you're still in your pajamas!
Me: I AM dressed.
9yo: Is that what you're calling [waves palm at me] this?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 1, 2016
4-year-old: Can we get a kitten?
Me: I'm allergic. We can't be in the same house.
4: You could sleep outside.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 25, 2016
9. You little…
"Mommy does my butt wiggle when I walk like yours does?" #kidhonesty
— Gretchen Britt (@GretchenYa) September 10, 2015
10. You look old
B: is that an old picture mom?
Me: no that's me 6 weeks ago
B: you look younger in photos #kidburn
— Kirsten Rourke (@kirstenrourke) June 9, 2017
11. No, thank you
Me: "How many kisses do you need from me?"
3yo: "Probably just zero."
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) March 16, 2015
12. Just look at her
— Kris Redenius (@redenius_kris) July 20, 2015
When Bea was 3:
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
14. Shouldn’t have pointed that out
Berlyn: "daddy, ur hair is growing in the wrong direction! Its going back in ur head instead of out!".ouch! #kidsaretoohonest
— christie harrow (@surfgrlcoco) April 1, 2013
15. The kid knows
Me to my 5-yr-old, balancing precariously on a stool: "Be careful – that's not very stable!"
Her: "YOU'RE not very stable!"#kidburn
— Gabby D. (@GabnDad) March 11, 2017
BURNED. To a crisp.