Love. It lasts forever, right?
Suuuuuuuure it does.
ALRIGHT, maybe that’s not 100% true, which is why tweet lists like this are so darn funny.
Because if you’re married, or have been married, or maybe even thought about getting married at some point, these musings will ring a bell.
Okay, let’s dive in!
1. I don’t have access to it right now.
Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) March 6, 2016
2. It just never ends.
Txt from wife: where r u
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
3. Think she might be on to something?
My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014
4. Two kittens it is!
My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 17, 2015
5. Don’t tell her about that.
wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 18, 2016
6. Not our problem…this time.
[out in public]
Me: A kid is crying.
Wife: It's not one of ours.
[we fist bump]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
7. Needs the proper attire.
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
ME: Okay
[later]
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
8. That is beautiful.
My wife and I hit an important marriage milestone.
We had a fight entirely in fridge magnets. pic.twitter.com/sUvXbe2Fnn
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2015
9. Seems like a fair number.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 19, 2013
10. That’s a day-long process.
Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.
— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) July 17, 2015
11. Just like Norman Bates.
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
12. Oooooo, that’s hot.
MARRIED SEXTING: I'm not wearing any underwear…because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.
— Christie Johnson (@cjohnsonking5) September 19, 2015
13. Wish we had some video of this.
When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2015
14. Okay, it’s your call.
me: want me to make dinner
wife: nah it's ok honey, I know you're still tired from doing it back in 2003— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) August 24, 2016
15. Now you know!
Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 10, 2015
Some of those are a bit harsh, but what can you do?
That’s the way the cookie crumbles, right?