If you’ve never noticed how every single totally crazy (US) (non-political) news story comes out of either Ohio or Florida, well…you won’t be able to help it, now. There are many, many stories that begin with “Florida man…” and go on to recount some sordid, horrible, or unbelievably idiotic tale, and below are 15 of my personal favorites, compiled from a Twitter account called simply (but brilliantly) “Florida Man.”

#15. Advertising error.

#14. Sharp as a tack.

#13. My guess is he was thinking “hell no I got enough babies.”

#12. Assault with a delicious weapon.

#11. Real life angry birds.

#10. I mean I guess it all worked out.

#9. I mean you have to LOL.

#8. When your friends are taking way too long.

#7. Oh, bless his heart.

#6. I mean…

#5. That squirrel did not give consent to be photographed, apparently.

#4. I hope he was charged with animal cruelty, too.

#3. Darwin Awards.

#2. When you just miss your buds.

#1. Again. *dying*