If nothing else, Twitter is great for a whole lotta random laughs.
You scroll through the feed, you have a few chuckles, and then you get back to your regularly scheduled day.
It’s a nice way to take a break!
So let’s all do that together right now. 3…2…1…GO.
1. That is pretty accurate.
Italic letters: pic.twitter.com/2C0B3d6VtO
— guy who likes jokes (@jacksxnenstrom) February 4, 2019
2. A real cut-up.
the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight
— ???? ???? (@YuckyTom) March 1, 2019
3. The horror!
me: i’m being haunted by the movie grease
therapist: tell me more
— elvish presley (@_elvishpresley_) September 24, 2019
4. You’re making the right choice.
If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead I'd pick the dead guy. Then I'd order two dinners and eat both. Fuck that guy. He's dead
— beth, not a player in the game (@bourgeoisalien) August 31, 2016
5. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Me: Last name Ever, First name Greatest
Starbucks barista: I’m not writing that.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 11, 2018
6. You’re surprised?
My annoying ass being annoying then getting shocked when someone actually gets annoyed. pic.twitter.com/jxwKpcTdXC
— Ben Hall (@MrBenLHall) February 12, 2019
7. The sequel!
Derek: You wanna go out again some time?
Stephanie: Sure, name the date!
Derek: Ok, how about 'Derek & Stephanie 2'
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) February 15, 2017
8. Hahahaha. Not bad.
priest: it be like that sometimes
congregation: and sometimes like that it be
— madison!!! (@madisonfrench_) November 5, 2018
9. This one took me a minute…
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
— FroVo (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018
10. They always get screwed over in car chase scenes.
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) June 26, 2018
11. I hear you on this one.
Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 24, 2013
12. A history buff.
Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 25, 2013
13. What’s updog?
"Do you have Coke"
No, is Pepsi okay
"Do you have updog"
"Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay"
— BeardSpice (@BeardSpice) September 30, 2014
14. Not down with the lingo yet.
[first day as a bartender]
Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this
— Kyle ? (@KylePlantEmoji) May 23, 2018
15. What a hedge…oh wait…
Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) July 1, 2019
Are you laughing?
I know I’m laughing!