Our bodies are basically just oozing, stinking flesh piles, and it’s all we can do to hide this fact from the rest of the world. And sure, this is irrational behavior. If everyone is disgusting, why should it be a problem when you’re disgusting? But it’s still a very real fear for practically all of us.
And when you’re in a relationship, that fear can be even stronger. After all, if you’re worried about strangers knowing about your true gross self, having the person you love most find out about your scab collection is downright terrifying. This is why many people in relationships can spend years trying to hide their bodily functions from each other.
But I say: don’t worry about it! As someone who’s been in a relationship for over five years, I can say that letting each other see our grossness has not only turned out to be a non-issue, it’s even brought us closer together!
This is true for many couples. When the folks over at Buzzfeed asked their readers to share the most revolting things they secretly do together, they got plenty of responses. Here are 15 of the grossest and funniest.
1. Look! It’s Buttsquatch!
“My boyfriend is super hairy, and every month or so he gets me to take close-up pictures of his butthole to see how hairy it is.” – lizziej45546795d
2. The secret to a happy relationship? Shared activities.
“I LOVE popping my boyfriend’s pimples, but he hardly gets them anywhere other than his butt. We’ve gotten to the point where he just pulls down his pants and lets me go to town.” – laurenb4b2089220
3. You gonna eat that?
“My husband has picked something out of my teeth and eaten it before.” – secretsecret
4. Gillette: the best a couple can get.
“We both share one razor for our faces… and everywhere else on our bodies.” – larryt438ddf81f
5. Give peace a chance.
“We do this thing called ‘fart bombing.’ If you fart, you have to grab a handful of air and throw it in the other person’s face. It’s disgusting, and it started as a joke, but now it’s war.” – laceyk4b42c790b
6. Such a flake.
“If my boyfriend gets sunburn and his skin starts to peel, I’ll sit on the couch and peel his flaky skin off for him while he watches TV.” – danielles4773f914a
7. The couple that baby birds together…
“My boyfriend and I love Sour Patch Kids, but I’m a real wuss when it comes to the sour part. He puts the candy in his mouth and sucks off all the sour stuff, and then I will eat the sweet part.” – channingt
8. Can you dig it?
“I often pick the lint out of my boyfriend’s belly button.” – ramiimani
9. Going for the gold.
“I pee in every shower I’m ever in, so if we’re sharing a shower, that means he’s getting peed on too.” – frozenbanana
10. Mine is bigger than yours.
“My husband and I weigh ourselves before and after we poop to compare who had the biggest poop and claim victory. I don’t know what victory does, but we just walk around feeling really good about our big turds.” – faiths4d06bda59
11. Zero out of ten dentists approve.
“We share the same toothbrush.” – aubreyb40c821872
12. The Shining
“Sometimes I’ll show my fiancé the massive amount of blood that pools in the toilet during my period.” – indiaj42a96a123
13. To be fair, it’s not the worst hair you could braid.
“Whenever we’re cuddling and my husband is shirtless, I’ll stroke his armpit hair and ask him if he wants me to braid it. He always says no, but for some reason I feel compelled to ask.” victoriaf4f2309550
14. The treasure hunters.
“If one of us sees that the other has a bat in the cave, my boyfriend and I will pick each other’s noses. He started it.” – erikap4ed12eccf
15. Fun party trick!
“I’m not sure if anyone else knows this, but you can pull up on the skin and blow up an uncircumcised penis like a balloon. Have we done that on multiple occasions? Yes. Does it still make us laugh every time? Yes again.” – k_supreeze