To start today’s article, here are some quick facts about our planet. Earth has been around for over 4 billion years, and it’s hosted around five billion different species of animals, including humans. Almost every species that’s ever lived–99.9% of them, to be exact–have already gone extinct, but that still leaves 8.7 MILLION different species alive right now.
With such a variety of creatures living on the blue planet, you’d think Earth boasts incredible biodiversity. And it does…to an extent.
Because it turns out nature recycles the same designs over and over again. Instead of coming up with a brand new animal each time one evolves, sometimes nature just goes, “Eh, this one’s going to look like a human penis.”
OK, I’ll be honest…those animal facts above don’t really have anything to do with this article, but I figured you should get something educational out of this.
And now, on to the dick animals.
1. The Elusive Deep Sea Dildo
Real name: Peanut worm
2. The Party Starter
Real name: Granulated sea star
3. The Manaconda
Real name: Atretochoana eiselti. It’s also literally referred to as “the penis snake.” Poor fellow.
4. Wonder Worms
Real name(s): the penis fish, or the fat innkeeper fish (when kids are around.)
5. Mr. Wrinkles
Real name: Naked mole rat
Real name: Rooster, obviously
7. Thanks for the tip.
Real name: Sea anemone
8. Damn, Clam
Real name: Geoduck clam
9. The Very, VERY Hungry Caterpillar
Real name: Priapulid
10. Oh Nose
Real name: Proboscis monkey
11. Think Pink
Real name: Hoosier cavefish
12. The early bird wanted no part of these.
Real name: Acorn worm
Real name: Nepenthes. Technically it’s a plant, but it’s a carnivorous plant!
14. Oh dear god
Real name: Sea lamprey
15. And finally, your worst nightmare.
Real name: Spoon worm