The more you lie, the harder it is to keep things straight. A lot of people have learn that lesson the hard way – and they suffer the consequences.
These 14 folks from AskReddit, however, brilliantly pulled off great lies with no repercussions! Great work, guys!
1. I speak Canadian
A college girl from Oregon once asked me what language they spoke in Canada, and I replied “Canadian.” I told her I spoke “Canadian,” she believed me and asked me to speak it, so I started speaking an unintelligible “language” and she was amazed. I wonder if she ever found out the truth.
2. Mythical Beasts
I convinced a highly qualified 22 year old colleague that vultures are mythical beasts invented by Walt Disney for the Jungle Book.
Told a guy in secondary school that I was colour-deaf. He would randomly shout colours at me for about 2 years and I would pretend to be oblivious.
4. Phone Problems
I got the original iPhone for my birthday years back. I dropped it and shattered the screen two days later. I felt horrible, so I won’t home and connected it to the charger and 15 minutes later proclaimed that the charger had somehow shattered my screen while I was away. I called AppleCare and they said they had been having reports of this happening. My jaw almost hit the floor.
5. Woodland Fireworks
I told my elementary school principal that I had firecrackers in my pockets because my grandfather had instructed me to use them to scare off any woodland creatures that might attack me on my way to school. The principal, wanting to expose me as the liar I was, dialed my grand-dad and asked if this was true.
Grand-dad backed me up & chewed out the principal for challenging his parenting methods.
6. Poor Dad
I farted in the line at the Hollywood Video, when I was younger, and blamed it on my dad.
I shouted “Ew! Gross Dad! That smells so nasty!”
Everyone believed he was the one that farted.
My father never said anything to me about it on the way home.
7. Illegal Cats
My brothers and I, in middle school, convinced a kid that cats were illegal now because of the high amount of allergic people, and he’d have to take his cat down to the police station to get it registered and deported.
8. Teach is on the ball!
Me: “Sorry i was late couldn’t catch the train”
Teacher: “It’s okay but hurry up now.”
We don’t even have a train station…
9. Biggest lie of all time…
“Yeah we can stay friends, I’d love that.”
10. I’ve tried this one before…
I convinced my boss that i’m actually a valuable asset to the company.
11. Polar Bears AND Wolves
“Yeah we have polar bears and wolves in the streets of Copenhagen”
12. Koala Meat
I am an ESL teacher in Asia. If a student of mine has been to Australia I always ask them if they ate a meat pie.
The answer is usually yes, so my follow up question is then: “Did you like the Koala meat in the pie?”
The look of disgust, shock, confusion, and then disgust again, is absolutely priceless.
I usually then tell them the truth. Usually.
13. Dumb Tourists
I used to work at the Space Needle, and my favorite thing to tell tourists was “The Space Needle was built as the center piece to the 1962 World’s Fair. The Space Thread and Space Thimble were also proposed as additional art installations, but they were denied funding.” I’ll never know exactly how many people believed me. But guessing by the “You don’t say!”s and the “Well I’ll be darned!”s, I would guess at least fifty.
14. I’m with the band
So last year, six friends and I, from Australia, went on a road trip in the US. Rough summary, we drove something like 9,000 miles in a rad old Dodge Ram Van, Going from LA to New York through the Southern States, up through Canada, camping in the national parks on our way back down the west coast, ending back up in LA with a few days in Vegas to end the trip. This took us six weeks.
On our first drive, learning to stay on the wrong side of the road, we got stopped coming in to Texas from New Mexico. They’d set up a sort of random checkpoint at this point on the highway.
After a whole lot of other drama the totally cool border guy stops and asks us: ‘Are you guys in a band?’
We all pause. ‘Nah, not really.’
‘You should say you are… you know, just for the heck of it. See ya later boys!’ and this guy just waves us off.
We lingered on it for a bit, but that’s about it. See, these guys were in bands, and whenever someone asked us, we’d just say yeah, ‘he is in this band, he’s in that one, bla bla bla.’ It took way too much effort – we didn’t have the time, six weeks is a tight schedule for 9,000 miles! I kept a running tally in my notebook though, and by the time we reached Raleigh, it was well over thirty people had asked us.
I think we made it to Washington DC before the possibilities hit us. We were out at some tapas-sushi-cocktail fusion place, and the waitress asked us if we were in a band. It was like some group delusion fell over us. I’d just started hitting sake, which always makes me puke but guarantees a good night.
‘Why yes. Yes we are in a band.’ The waitress goes wild, and then starts running back behind the bar and kitchen to grab people. We throw the most intense and productive group huddle ever: ‘What are we called? Who does what? What songs do we play? What are we doing here?!’
We nailed out the details quick smart.
But what were we called? That was obvious. We’d named our car already: Ramona the Ram Van.
So this lady runs back, with like three bar staff. They’re asking us all sorts of things. What music we play, what kinda shows we’re doing. We pretty quickly came up with some essential rules.
Now, it got way out of hand, just too silly. We’d go to like, museums, and the ticket lady would say, ‘are you guys in a band?’ Why yes, we are. ‘Oh my god! Where are you from?’ Australia. We’d go off, go through the whole venue and come out at the exit – only to find the ticket woman and every other employee waiting for us.
At one point, we were walking around the natural history museum, and a girl walked up to a couple of my friends, who were just chilling. ‘Hey, are you guys in a band?’ Yeah, we are. ‘What are you called?’ We’re called Ramona. ‘I’ve never heard of you.’ Do you listen to much Australian music? ‘No.’ There you go then!
This teenager runs back to her friends, and they’re all yelping at each other. ‘Who are they?’ one asks. ‘Uhhh, Ramona, from Australia, as if you don’t know!’ Then they’d come back and get pictures taken.
We hit our first bump in San Fran. We were eating at this rad Mexican place, and this absolute hotty from the table behind us leans over and asks if we’re in a band. Well, actually, we are, I say. We chit chat with this girl and her two friends for a while. They’re two guys. I am smitten by the woman. We hang around for a while, and as we go to leave, they ask us where we’re going. Well, there was this bar near our hotel called ‘The Owl Tree’ that we were thinking of checking out. Sure thing, they said they’d follow us.
We didn’t expect anything, so as we’re sitting in The Owl Tree, chatting about how heart-meltingly attractive the girl is, they walk in. They kept their promise. They come up to us eager to tell us a story… as we’d left the Mexican place, the table next to them asked them who we were. ‘Fallout Boy!’ they said, and the two teenage girls swooned.
Anyway, I spend the next three or four hours talking to this girl about my life as a tour manager. By the end I’m off my rocker drunk, but I’m keeping it together. This girl was called Bertina or something – worked as a manager at GAP. I’ve never heard the name Bertina, or even sure I heard it right, so I’ve just resorted to call her Brittanica since then, since it seems funnier. Anyway, we end up at a dubstep club. I’m buying everyone else expensive drinks and saying, ‘hey, the production company is paying for it!’ while furiously gesturing that those other kents are paying me back tomorrow, when the act is up. Well, I go off to the bathroom, come out, and everyone is gone. Turns out one of my friends enjoyed those G&Ts I was getting him a little too much and got everyone kicked out. Even Brittanica. I was devastated. I rang everyone, got lost, eventually found the hotel, bought beer as was eventually asked of me, and got up to the room to find everyone passed out anyway. I was raging!
I don’t think Britannica ever found out the truth. Her friend, one of the guys, had bust out his phone and looked it up, I think, and was suspicious, but I never saw him tell the others.