We’ve all been there…cramming at 3 am the night before a test and just KNOWING you’re going to fail. However, once the actual failing occurs, some people can get a little more desperate than others.
We took to AskReddit to find out what teachers, and one pupil, had to say about how far some students are willing to go to try to get that passing grade.
#1. Gotta Catch Them All
“A fucking Pokémon card and a Minute Maid lemonade from the vending machine. 7th graders are weird.”
#2. Who’s Your Daddy?
“College professor here: I had one student threaten to use her father’s influence to get me fired. This was at a public university too (ie: not someplace like Harvard where that threat could at least potentially carry weight) and her dad wasn’t particularly influential. She got her D anyway. Whatever influence her father had wasn’t enough to cost me my job.”
#3. As Long As I Never Have To See You Again…
“When my mom was in high school she took a French class and failed with a 48% percent. She wasn’t a very attentive student. She begged the teacher to pass her, and eventually he promised to give her a passing grade if my mom agreed to never take one of his courses again.”
#4. Classy Move, Mom
“A colleague came to my office a few years ago and reported what had just happened: A young lady came to his office and asked if there was anything she could do to raise her grade. No, the class was over and it would’t be fair to give her opportunities not available to everyone else. She then said her problem was the test… she would do much better with an oral exam. Couldn’t he just give her an oral exam? This was proposed several times. He finally had enough, told her to leave and if she said another word he’d report her to the Dean of Students. When she left, he stood to come tell me the story and walked into the hall… where the student was in conference with her mother. The mother had been lurking outside his office hoping to catch him agreeing to the suggestion so they could blackmail him. Nice family.”
#5. Will Cook For Grades
“One offered to be my housekeeper and cook for 2 semesters. She claimed to be as talented in the kitchen as with organ performance.”
#6. Supply And Demand
“I was teaching an introductory college course during a traumatic time in American history. Hostess had just closed its doors, and the national supply of Hostess Cherry Pies was drying up. I don’t know I can convey the sense of urgency and loss I felt knowing that the entirety of all the Hostess Cherry Pies that would ever be made were now somewhere in the supply chain, and the production facilities had shut down. I was briefly lamenting this unfolding tragedy to my college class when a hand shot up in the back. I called on the student and he said, “I’ve got some.” I think I said congratulations or something, but the mood shifted. It was as if 30 people were spectators in this weird Sterling-esque encounter. He said, “No, really. I have a case.” I said, “A case? Why do you have a case?” He said, “Well, they’re shutting down, like you said, and I saw a way to make a profit. Want them?” I said, “Uhhh, it would be inappropriate for me to accept a gift from a student.” And here’s where things got weird. He said, “No, I mean I would trade you. You give me an A, and I’ll give you a case of Cherry Pies.” And these 30 other students are all too stunned to speak. They’re staring back and forth to me, and him, and me again. And I say, “Young man, while I’ll never accept a bribe, I want to pass on some advice. If you’re going to bribe a professor for a grade, always do so in private.” The class started laughing, but I can’t imagine that’s happened to many professors.”
#7. Not The Alpacas!
“Kid: “I’m gonna punch every alpaca in the state right in the face if you don’t bump my grade up from a 87% to a 90%” My response: “Did you do the extra credit?” Kid: “No.” Me: “Those poor alpacas. Don’t forget to bring sun screen. You’re going to be punching alpacas for a long time in this state.” Kid: “Wow. You’re heartless.” He then turned to the class and Steve Martin in The Jerk fashion yelled “This lady hates alpacas!!” Middle schoolers are an odd bunch of humans.”
#8. But Did He Pass?
“A student once admitted that he hadn’t studied for the final exam, but turned in an alternative hand-written final exam featuring his own questions.”
#9. Not Only In The Movies
“Something I thought only happened in shitty movies where a girl came up to my desk and undid the top couple buttons of her blouse and said “Mister CLASSWORK, I’d do anything for a better grade” I suggested studying and reported the incident to my principal before any rumors whatsoever could take hold.”
#10. Crying On Command
“I’ve been offered money…food…a date…and this was all before I was done with school. This is just while I was a TA. The most memorable have to be the criers. They come in and cry hoping for a better grade. This works surprisingly well on male professors, especially the Science ones, because they don’t know what to do with a crying woman, so they typically give in.”
#11. Twerk Twerk Twerk Twerk Twerk
“My friend offered a teacher twerking lessons in exchange for a better grade. HIS offer was not accepted.”
#12. Charming Indeed
“I was the student in this situation. For two subjects, PE and Intro to IT, which is not really related to my course of nursing but I had to take them. I never attended any of these classes because I overlooked my subjects and schedule when I enrolled. For IT, my prof agreed to let me not attend any of his classes as long as I take and pass his finals which I fortunately did. For PE, a chocolate cake for the lowest passing grade. I know it all sounds like a sham but this is in the Philippines and in a small private college. I think it also helped that my profs for these two classes are uhmm…gay and I can be very charming if need be.”
#13. Come Up With Something Better, Bro
“My first year University students only offer lame excuses (“my girlfriend’s grandfather died so I couldn’t concentrate on the exam” for example). Never bribes or gifts or something that might actually change my mind.”
#14. Not That Innocent
“All the virginities. Every last one.”
Keep on keepin’ on.