Hey there, why the long face?
Let me guess…
Troubles with your significant other?
Someone at work getting on your nerves?
Whatever the case, we’re gonna put an end to your unhappiness right this instant with some hilarious tweets.
Does that sound like a plan?
Let’s get it going!
1. Trying to heat up food in the microwave is an infuriating process.
Just put it back in for a few more minutes…
microwave: congratulations! your bowl is now piping hot
me: amazing! and the food too?
microwave: slow down there buddy
— trash jones (@jzux) October 16, 2021
2. Sorry for putting you through that…
You have to feel for that neighbor, don’t you think?
i just heard my neighbor crying which means unfortunately she could probably hear me singing monster mash in different voices
— pascalle (@pasxalle) October 18, 2021
3. This isn’t the best look I’ve ever seen.
Not gonna lie about it…
…I did not realize how much I apparently hate unfinished wood https://t.co/1V4rUWhzHL
— yes, really (@simonefiii) October 17, 2021
4. They weren’t buying that for a second.
Nice try, ma’am. We see the carrots in there.
Thinking about the time I drunkenly spilled an entire bowl of soup on my new macbook & then tried to tell the apple store it just broke out of nowhere & then the guy had to look me in the eye & say “we opened it up and there’s just…so much soup in here…like chunks of carrots..”
— Arianna Rebolini (@AriannaRebolini) October 17, 2021
5. Things move in quite a hurry there, huh?
It really is the city that never sleeps.
Living in nyc will have you like damn if i hadn’t taken that sip of water i could’ve caught the train
— Katherine ?? (@katkathykatto) October 18, 2021
6. I’d like to talk to the top therapist.
I wonder how much that person charges per hour…
obviously therapists go to other therapists. but who's at the very top? do they know everyone's secrets?
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 20, 2021
7. You know you’re getting takeout. Don’t even kid yourself.
What’s it gonna be? Chinese? Pizza? Tacos?
Me: I’m hungry
My fridge: I have lots of tasty food inside if you wanna cook somet—-
Me: not like that
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) October 21, 2021
8. Thank you, friendly ghost!
Too bad they have to write that message in blood though, kind of rude.
I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if each time a bloody message appeared on a wall it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 18, 2021
9. This is how long I’ve been a makeup artist.
Any other questions?
Clients: how long have you been a Makeup Artist?
— MS. BOBIANA (@BRlANNARANEE) October 17, 2021
10. That is really terrifying, isn’t it?
I still haven’t watched this show yet…
Squid Game is so captivating because it’s about man’s greatest fear: being told to find a partner to team up with for a project
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) October 18, 2021
11. Just wandering around aimlessly for ten years.
I think this sounds pretty accurate.
being in your twenties is all about getting coffee and walking around
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 17, 2021
12. I refuse to apologize.
How dare you ask that of me!
I will not pic.twitter.com/8FwqeyL2So
— Rachel Sedai of the FFP2 Mask Ajah (@walshrac) October 17, 2021
13. Tweet of the year?
It just might be…
Sometimes during sex I get jealous of how many calories the guy is burning
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 16, 2021
How about you?
What are some of your favorite tweets?
Share some good ones with us in the comments! Thanks!