Why the long face, my friend?
Does life have you down in the dumps?
Well, it’s time to put an end to that RIGHT NOW!
You can thank us later!
1. I hope it worked out for you.
This is a lofty goal.
I only have one goal for Valentine’s Day this year and it’s the same as every day of the year: to have sex to “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder
— Magdalene J. Taylor (@magdajtaylor) February 11, 2022
2. This will be a great lecture.
Never thought about it that way…
(saying to group. of 7 girls) the lore surrounding the Addams family is actually quite a bit darker than you might think..and fairly Leftist
— wint (@dril) February 11, 2022
3. I think you might have a chance.
Good luck to you!
Dominating the figure skating world by doing the running man for all two minutes and 40 seconds of the short program
— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) February 8, 2022
4. Do it!
How much are you gonna spend at Spencer’s?
woke up with such a powerful feeling. an urgency screaming inside of me. “you need to spend money at the mall today.” i will answer this call.
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) February 6, 2022
5. I don’t think I’d hire them.
But that’s just me…
Seriously injured? So are we. We’re all fucked up we’re a law firm of all super injured guys. One of our best guys just broke all his shit like an hour ago
— Apex Redditor (@ebenbenson) February 8, 2022
6. Not feeling it.
Hey, that’s okay…
i refuse to discourse about comedians
— Trey Smith (@SlimiHendrix) February 6, 2022
7. Think about that.
Don’t do drugs!
Every time a rave girl does ketamine a horse has to go into surgery awake
— blanco (@beerdefeater) February 8, 2022
8. I love this.
Something to shoot for.
Guy on jeopardy was just introduced as a “stay at home uncle”
— Elizabeth Meisenzahl (@Lizzym03) February 8, 2022
9. Are you happy now?
I don’t want to hear that ever again. Are we clear?
i hate when ppl are like “i love winter!!” well now my fingies are cold. happy now ???? is this what you wanted ??
— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 15, 2022
10. That’s right!
Read up on it!
was reading about the silent film era and thinking about how silly the word “talkie” is, and was then forced to really consider, for the first time, the word “movie”
— posing as a somdomite (sic) (@chris_ryates) February 10, 2022
11. Darn plants…
They’ll learn one day…
People are always asking me, “KB, what’s it like to work on a farm?”
It’s awful. The plants do not respect me.
— Kellen (@Kellenbeck) February 4, 2022
Now we want to hear from you.
Share some funny tweets and memes with us in the comments.
We can’t wait!