In the past, if you wanted to honor your best friend, your options were limited. You could organize birthday drinks, or maybe help them dispose of a dead body, but that was basically it.
Now that we live in the modern age, however, there are countless ways to show your bff some love. Wild, weird, wonderful gestures that perfectly express your unique bond, like turning your friend’s face into a car air freshener.
The so-called “Fresh Faces” are available from Firebox, a UK-based “alternative” gift company that makes eclectic knick-knacks for weirdos everywhere. Their slogan is “Not For Everyone,” and they mean it.
Fresh Faces come in packs of three and retail for $20.09, which admittedly is much higher than a three pack of Magic Trees, but then again Magic Trees don’t have your friends’ faces on them. (Unless your friends are trees–shout out to our druid readers!) They’re available in five flavors: New Car Smell, Island Breeze, Fresh Linen, Coffee, and Bacon. (Which…I don’t know if bacon smell really “freshens up” a car, but to each their own.)
The Firebox website describes Fresh Faces thusly:
“Sometimes the only memory of a slightly fuzzy evening can be the awkwardly long and sickening taxi ride home.
Whilst choosing if your head should be perched out the window or lolled in between your legs, you wonder: ‘what the fudge is that smell?!’
You look up and see a mega-mix of Magic Tree’s hanging from the rear view mirror and that weird stain on floor. You swiftly leave the cab giving them a 1 star. You’ve had enough of its eau-de-‘toilet’.”
Lemme pause one sec here and just ask, are they suggesting you carry Fresh Faces with you to whip out during a smelly cab ride? Deploying your own air freshener might be the most passive-aggressive thing ever.
OK, back to the description:
“Luckily, Fresh Face is your air-freshening hero and it’s here to save your smelly old day. Gone are the worries of your motor smelling of last nights takeaway or that incident that got a bit sweaty on the backseat.
Our selection of scents will simply make your nose-gasm. Once you’ve picked your parfum simply click on ‘personalised’ to adorn your fresheners with a few faces and we’ll do the rest.
Make sure they’re high quality, zoomed in nice and close, and that you’ve pulled the gurn of your life. One face will cover each side so both drivers and passers by can enjoy your weird choice in car accessories.”
Fresh Faces’ main selling point is that you can buy them as a gift for your friends and family, and customers have done just that:
But by no means are you limited to your nearest and dearest. You can order a Fresh Face of practically anyone. If you’re prone to speeding, your could get a Fresh Face of a disappointed highway patrol officer. If you’re prone to road rage, you could get a Fresh Face of Mother Teresa. Or if you just want to salute the concept of vehicular transport itself, why not get a Fresh Face of Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao?
The possibilities are endless. I’m all set to order mine, but first–would anyone like to be my friend?