Woman I was going to marry cheated on me after 6 years together. 6 months later the guy she cheated on me with won the lottery, $80 million. They have now been together for 5 years. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me but truth is, it eats me up inside. I no longer believe in karma.
2. Terrible Secret
A friend of mine killed herself when we were younger and no one knew why. It was because her dad molested us when we were kids, and we never told anyone.
3. Hate Kids
I have a PhD in elementary and early childhood education. I’d rather get my teeth drilled than step into an elementary school classroom.
4. Mixed Signals
I’m not sure if she sees me as a priority or as an option and it kinda hurts.
5. Brownie Fiend
I baked, and ate an entire pan of brownies tonight. My tummy feels weird.
6. Be Normal
I wish I knew how to not be so weird and have friends.
7. Just Listen
I’ve talked two people down from suicide on separate occasions. I haven’t spoken about it because it’s not my place to share the lowest points in their lives and in the most cliche way, it didn’t take any special skill or quick thinking, the main thing they both needed was someone to listen and to care. Anyone could have done it.
8. No Love
I don’t want to get married and/or have kids. In fact, I don’t think I ever want to be in a relationship ever again.
I’m a man btw, but the pressure is still mounting from all sides. This isn’t some post breakup depressive thinking, this is something that’s been stewing in my mind since I was old enough to date. I only started because the stigma of being made fun of outweighed what happiness I would’ve felt on my own.
I’ve been called selfish by a select few people I’ve mentioned this to. Maybe I am, but I simply am no longer willing to put in the effort anymore.
9. Don’t Call Dave
I have had enough of being the “go to guy” that everyone calls to come help them, but never, ever invites me for a beer, or a meal, to their parties….
Need your plumbing fixed? Call Dave
Car won’t start and need a jump start at 6am? Call Dave
Need to borrow a power tool? Dave will have that.
Want a lift to the airport? Oh and be picked up when you get back? Of course Dave will do it.
You need a hand shifting a ton of old patio into the skip? Dave will help.
Your gutter’s leaking and you don’t like going up ladders? Well Dave’s got some, he’ll put the roof bars on his car and drive them round and go up and fix your gutter.
Having a barbecue? Don’t mention it to Dave.
Having a New Years Party? Dave’s not invited.
Having a hog roast for your 40th and everyone’s invited? Just don’t mention it to Dave please. But one of your number thought this was wrong and forwarded the email me.
Not any more. Do your own work.
Roger, I know I said I’d pick you and the wife up from the airport on Wednesday. Hope you have enough for a taxi because we live a long way from the airport and there are no trains. And there won’t be any Dave on Wednesday at 7am.
10. So. Creepy.
I have a stalker and recently discovered he’s shopping around to have a life size plush made of me for himself. I am beyond creeped out.
11. Teepee Bandit
I’m the one that repeatedly teepeed the bathroom in third grade.
12. Lovely Lady Lumps
To be literal, I’m sick of people telling me I have nice boobs and shouldn’t want them to be smaller.
I know they’re just average size, maybe a bit larger, but I’m a dancer. I feel like all of the girls around me have that flat athletic look going, and I’m stuck lugging these things around.
13. I Will Survive
Girlfriend of four and a half years broke up with me recently. Moved back to my home town, got a job, it’s six weeks later and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I’m happier now then I have been in the last 12 months.
Here I was thinking I couldn’t live without her, turns out I can thrive. Funny how that works.
14. #SorryNotSorry Karen
Yes Karen I USED YOUR SUGAR.
15. No Jinxing
I haven’t had a cigarette since Monday but every time I tell anyone any small accomplishment leading up to a bigger goal, I fail. But I don’t want to fail this time, so I’m keeping my big mouth shut.
It’s surprisingly harder to not tell anyone I’m quitting than it is to actually stop smoking.
16. Voice Acting
I really want to be a voice actor for video games and anime, but it’s virtually impossible to get into especially in the UK.
I just wish I could spend my life doing what I wanted to do, not what I needed to do.
17. Point Differential
I think my boyfriend is too attractive to be with me. He’s easily a 10 and I’m more like a 3.
I know there’s all that stuff about underestimating how you look but I’ve considered it long and hard.
He’s out of my league and I’m not sure how I landed him.
18. No Friends
I am not looking forward to getting married. Not because I don’t love my girlfriend because I absolutely do but because the idea of choosing a best man and groomsmen terrifies me. I don’t really have any good friends at all…
19. Big Sucker
I’m an adult thumbsucker who is about to have a kid. I use it as an anxiety soother and I just don’t know how to quit. But I also know I have to in the next 20 or so weeks.
20. Panty Raider
I stole underwear as a teenager. A lot of underwear. I would literally go commando to a store I knew didn’t have those plastic anti-theft tags on the panties, take a bunch of clothes into the dressing room to “try on”, and would rip off the paper tags and wear the underwear out of the store. I never got caught. It all started because growing up I was only allowed to wear underwear that came in like a 20-pack and practically looked like a diaper.
21. New Friends
My son is 11, he’s autistic. He’s in sixth grade which is just an awful, awkward time in any kid’s life. He’s never had a friend before. He made a friend on the bus, his name is Alex. He’s in my house playing video games with my son now and they’re having a great time. I ordered them pizza and let them drink soda. I can’t remember a time when I have been so happy. I just had to tell someone, I’m trying not to look too excited and embarrass my little guy.
22. Happy Moment
The other night I woke up when my boyfriend moved in the bed. I ignored it and kept my eyes closed. He pulled me towards him and I kind of grumbled/sighed and I guess he thought I was dreaming. He whispered “Are you okay?” I didn’t respond. Then he whispered “It’s okay, I’m here. I love you so much.” he kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly, “…so much. I love you so, so, so much.” and cupped my face in his hands. Then he snuggled down and went back to sleep. Just a happy moment in my life.
23. Exemplifying Beauty
My girlfriend was at work, staffing the changing room at a clothing store. An Indian woman was waiting for someone in the changing room and complimented the dress my girlfriend was wearing. She said thank you, but the Indian woman said, “Well, it’s not the dress… How do you say…” and paused for a second.
“You exemplify the beauty.”
Damned if people who speak English as a first language say anything nearly that beautiful. She made my girlfriend’s week.
24. Pepsi Cleanse
Today marks the day I am 6 months clean of Diet Pepsi. I honestly don’t care if it’s not a “hardcore drug”, it’s addictive. I was drinking up to 2 dang liters of it a day, and by no means is that even SLIGHTLY decent. I have tried so many times to quit before but never have come this far. Just wanted to put this accomplishment out there. Today is a good day.
25. Winner Winner
I’m a lot better than my wife at Mario Kart. But she won’t play any games that I’m better than her in. So I almost always let her win because I just like playing with her.
26. Ultimate Dream
In mid-December I was headhunted and offered my dream position at a company I’ve dreamt about working for. I moved away to the capital and made a plan with my university to finish my degree whilst working. The kicker? I have early stage cancer. I found out before taking the job. I haven’t told a soul.
27. Love Child
My daughter isn’t mine. My fiancee went away for a mud run the weekend “my” daughter was conceived. I took the baby to get a DNA test one day when my fiancee was at work and I was at home with her and sure enough, just like on Maury, I was NOT the father. I went to a doctor and it turns out I am sterile. I can’t tell anyone because I love the little girl like she’s my own but it hurts when people comment on how much “she looks like her mom” but never how much she looks like me. I could never bring myself to say anything to her though because I don’t want to NOT be in the little girl’s life…as far as she knows, I am her father and she loves me unconditionally and I can’t ruin that.
28. Braised Dirt
I’m a renowned chef (to an extent). I don’t have my own TV show or anything but I have been featured on a few Food TV shows as well as a few shows on Cooking Channels.
My Secret: I absolutely HATE most of the food I cook. I cater to the rich snobby crowd and it’s amazing how sheep-like these people can be. I could take a pile of dirt but as long as I say it’s been ‘braised’ and finished off with some ‘truffle oil’ served with a tbs of ‘caviar’, they’ll “LOVE” it because of those random key words thrown in there.
These people are so pretentious.. they only buy name brand items and their minds work the same way with food. As long as I’ve got certain key words on the menu and certain ingredients in the food they’ll claim to love it. Most of these people who claim to have high class taste and an advanced palette are full of crap.
I’m trying to sell my share of my two restaurants to my business partner or other investors and get out. I just want to have a small joint making fried chicken wings, not goose liver and fish eggs.
29. Hair Removal
I’m a biological heterosexual woman who has to shave every day like a man. I won’t let anyone touch my face, for fear that they’ll feel my stubble, and if I stay over at a friend’s house I hide a razor and shaving cream in my bag, wake up at some really early hour and go shave in the bathroom while everyone is still asleep.
I’ve done laser hair removal, but a lot of my hair is too light to really react, yet too dark to go unnoticed if I let it grow. And I’ve yet to ever find an electrologist that actually makes my hair go away. I also have hair on my stomach all the way up to a few inches under my boobs.
I’ve been tested for hormone imbalances, and all the levels come back normal. They assume I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, but can’t get the numbers to back the diagnosis up.
30. Talented Faker
I’m a fraud. I don’t do anything. I sit at my desk all day and do maybe 15 minutes work a day, on a good day. People ask me to do things but eventually they just go away or things sort themselves out. Usually they make excuses for me… caught you at a busy time etc.
But here’s the thing… I am successful. I earned about $300k after tax last year, got a big promotion and I know I’m about to get another one. I’ve tried everything: self help books, even hypnosis but I can’t get into it. The funny thing is, when I do something I’m interested in I work really hard at it.