Chances are, if you’ve been on the Internet at some point in the last seven years, you’ve heard of Humans of New York, a popular photoblog that showcases New Yorkers from all walks of life. They do great work!
And as with anything that becomes popular, Humans of New York has inspired similar parody accounts. One of the best is the Instagram page Millennials of New York. On the page, creators Connor Toole and Alec MacDonald post photos of New Yorkers of millennial age, along with joke quotes that poke fun at their generation’s stereotypes. And millennials have a LOT of stereotypes, from self-absorption, to social media obsession, to being impervious to all damage except a silver bullet to the heart. (I might be mixing up millennials with werewolves on that last one.)
Bottom line, if there’s one subject that sets people off, it’s millennials. Whether you hate millennials, or you hate how people hate millennials, literally 100% of people have a strong opinion about millennials. Whichever category you fall under, you’ll enjoy the best of Millennials of New York below!
1. Hey, it’s a living!
“I write articles for the internet.”
What was the last thing you wrote?
“Oh, it was an article called ’10 Beautiful Pictures of Disney Princesses Busy Photoshopping Disney Princesses for Disney Princess Listicles.'”
2. Wanna hear my political opinions? No? Too bad!
“As a liberal, I’m naturally really excited that gay marriage was made legal last month. But the decision did make me feel a little weird; I’m always very confused when America does something that’s actually good. It’s like a mosquito landing on my shoulder and saying ‘Listen buddy, I think it’s time I gave back’ and handing me a Starbucks gift card.'”
3. Chasing those likes.
“We got married two weeks ago. It was an absolutely beautiful ceremony. I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Some people said it was tacky to make the priest hold the selfie stick when we kissed, but they can tell that to the 271 likes the picture got on Facebook. Now we’re on our honeymoon. It’s so beautiful. I’ve been spending most of my time staring longingly at our Instagram notifications while holding his hand and thinking about how many likes we’ll get for making a baby.”
4. Going Amish.
“I feel like it’s been forever since the last time I went to Fashion Week. What’s my personal style? Well, you can basically describe my current look as: ‘It’s 1898 and I, a humble hemp farmer, am set to marry the daughter of a rich industrialist. She may be prettier than Annie Oakley and sweeter than a slice of watermelon on a warm summer’s day, but I just can’t bring myself to love her. ”
“So I decide to just drop it all and go work on the railroad—where a hard days work is met with a day’s honest wage, and the men drink black coffee, tell stories around the fire each night, and sleep under a canopy of a million flickering stars.’ But if that description is too long I guess you can just write ‘Amish chic.”
5. The smugly coupled.
“I have a couple close friends that are single today and it just breaks my heart. I can’t imagine what they must be going through. I just feel so lucky to be with Tom. Tom is amazing. It’s heartbreaking to picture my single friends, at home, eating Chinese food, watching Netflix, alone, without a Tom in the other room asking them things like ‘do you think period blood is, like, caviar for vampires?’ God, I just feel so bad for them.”
6. The Coachella facade.
“I buy passes for music festivals and post them on Instagram before reselling them so people think I have a social life. I’ve actually never been to one. I had someone ask me why I never post pictures of the actual festival and I said, ‘I leave my camera at home because reality shouldn’t be viewed through a lens.”
7. Making ends meet is tough!
Photo Credit: Instagram“It’s literally impossible to take advantage of the city when everything is as expensive as it is. Isn’t DeBlasio supposed to be doing something about these ridiculous rent prices? It feels like by the time I’m done paying for other basic necessities – groceries, electric, Internet, MetroCard, Sunday brunches, margarita machine maintenance, feather headdress-making lessons, Saturday brunches, an officially licensed SoulCycle machine for my apartment so I don’t have to worry about classes filling up – there’s really nothing left for me to have any fun with. I don’t want to ask my parents to up my allowance but I don’t know if I have a choice anymore.”
8. Thank your lucky stars.
“My doctor said I need to stop smoking if I want to lower my risk of cancer. I told him he might want to go back to med school. I’m a Sagittarius. Everyone knows we’re not compatible.”
9. Try dropping this one during your annual Thanksgiving political argument.
“I’d like to propose a moment of silence for future conservatives who won’t be able to call us ‘snowflakes’ anymore because there will be no more snow.”
10. Indecisiveness is a feature, not a flaw.
“Growing up, everyone thinks that making the “right” decision is always straightforward. But let’s say you’re an adult who’s hypothetically trying to exact revenge on a monster who’s basically destroyed your life. And let’s say that you can either take the easy road or make a hard choice that’ll benefit everyone in the long run and (possibly hurt them in the short run). What do you do then? No, seriously, what do you do? I really need to know…”