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Mall Santas Share the Creepiest Things Kids Have Said on Their Laps

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There are likely several perks to being a Santa Claus at the mall or department store. Not only do you get to earn a few extra bucks for the holidays, but kids are adorable and have a way of reminding us what the holiday season is supposed to be about (most of the time).

That said, kids can also be creepy…and sad because the world and adults suck sometimes. Just wait until you see these answers.

#15. Hey, Santa…

“Had a kid ask “Santa, what happens to all the dead kids toys”?”

#14. She does that every year.

“I was Santa for corporate holiday parties one year. I was in my 30s but used a spray for my beard. Looked lifelike, Kids dug it, so did one mom/aunt who threw a kid off my lap (hers, I hope) and whispered that she wanted Santa to fuck her from behind while pulling her hair. She didn’t seem to be drunk. I was very uncomfortable… Then the meeting planner told me she does that every year.”

#13. I wish…

“I wasn’t a santa but my roommate was. This was at a spot in east brooklyn, a super impoverished area riddled with a lot of drugs and violence.

He said it was disturbing how many kids had literally nothing, so they asked for the most basic things. Or they just asked to get out of shitty situations. He said stuff like this was common:

“I wish my mom would stop hitting me”

“I wish my brother was still alive, he got shot”

“I wish we had enough money for a microwave”

“I wish my daddy would stop doing heroin”

stuff like that was everywhere.”

#12. For the venison.

“I wasn’t a mall Santa, but I played one of his elves. I think the worst thing a kid ever asked for was some reindeer sausage. He figured Santa could slaughter one of his reindeer for the venison.”

#11. Creeped the hell out of me.

“Not a mall Santa, but my fire department does a Santa visit to all the houses in my town. We have a few guys dress up as Santa and we drive around going house to house in the fire engines.

One year when I was Santa we go to a house with a married couple and two kids. The woman is clearly pregnant. The daughter, about 10-12, creeped the hell out of me.

I asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she looks at her I assume step mom and says dead pan. “I want the baby to die ”

Jesus christ kid…..”

10. Get the deputy sheriff.

“I have been Santa for several seasons, I had a special needs young woman (approximate age of 40, emotional of 12 perhaps) ask me to make her boyfriend quit hitting her. I told a lady who was helping me to get the deputy sheriff at the event to come see me. I whispered to him what she had said. He came back 10 minutes later and asked if I would speak to her in a private area. There the deputy and Santa got a clearer but very disturbing picture of how she had been repeatedly abused.

In May the deputy let me know the offender had been sentenced to 8 years and the girl had been relocated to new care facility.

Edit: Thank you for the Gold and the praise. The real gold in life comes from doing for those that can do nothing for you.”

#9. A new dad.

“My friend’s dad used to be a Santa. He couldn’t stop crying after a shift one time. When we finally got him to say what was wrong he said a little girl told him she didn’t want any item for Christmas. She wanted a new Daddy who won’t touch her. Her dad was there with her. Friend’s dad had to enact the emergency protocols.

Girl didn’t want to talk to police about it unless Santa was with her. He heard some shit.”

#8. The magic was gone.

“Not me, not creepy, but a bit haunting. My dad used to be the Macy’s Santa (in NY). He had a kid come in who wanted his brothers cancer to go away. Brother came to the store too, a couple weeks later. Of course Santa has no control over these things, but being the Macy’s Santa has some power. He was able to get the store to let them come in at a special time and pick out pretty much whatever they wanted. It was magical, and he still has the pictures. He would regularly write to them as Santa until after the brother died and went to visit him as Santa before he died. Tried to stay in touch with the family but I think it was just too sad and the magic was gone”

#7. They don’t wear any.

“Years ago, I was in line with my 6yo nephew for his visit with Santa. When Santa asked my nephew what he wanted for Christmas, he said, “Could you get Mommy and Daddy some pajamas? Cuz they don’t wear any….” The whole line broke up, including Santa.”

#6. NOPE.

“Former mall Santa, even bought a professional suit because I hated the one they provided. I got a few creepy stories that involves, college students and adults.

Kids: A little girl no more than 5 was screaming bloody murder when it was her turn. Kids get scared of Santa, not that uncommon. Her dolled up mom was having none of her child’s tantrum and the Elves were pleading with her to not put the girl on my lap. She did and at her kid instantly stopped screaming. Just had this look of pure hatred at her mom for the remainder of the photo session. I swear, I thought I was on Candid Camera (before YouTube y’all) it looked so acted out. Attempting to talk to the little terror, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she looked at me and softly said just above a whisper, “for my Mommy to die”. NOPED myself to a break after that one. It was the inside joke for the rest of the mall Santa season, (whispering between kids) “I want you to die!!!!”

College Students: One rather lonely overweight gal kept getting in line several times a week to get pictures with Santa. I was in college myself back then and I’m pretty sure she was working herself up to asking me out. Extremely shy, awkward and had some hygiene issues. She only paid for one of the photos but the elves remember seeing her throughout the week when I wasn’t on shift. Apparently only got pictures with me.

Adults: I was in my 20’s and the perverted things the MILF’s whispered into my ear while sitting on Santa’s Lap were definitely something for the naughty list to be sure. It became so frequent for the younger santas to get groped, teased and molested that the Elves were told to stay close when adults got their pictures taken. Elf security to be sure.”

#5. Just sad.

“Just sad rather than creepy. Kid came in and wanted nothing except from a Matchbox car. He told me how every week he heard his mom sneak into his bedroom and take the pocket money (that she had given him) to buy cigarettes. I felt so terrible for him that I gave him 3-4 different presents, rather than just 1.”

#4. I broke the poor guy’s heart.

“Not a santa, but I remember being in hospitals a lot as a kid with serious stomach issues. I remember asking a mall santa if I could “get better and not die” once when I was about eight or nine years old. When the mall santa looked at me sadly and said he couldn’t do that, almost in tears, I asked if my old dog that died as a puppy could be brought back as a zombie so “we could both be dead together” and if I could “come back as a zombie too so I could stay with my parents so they wouldn’t be sad”. Looking back, that was really creepy and I think I broke the poor guy’s heart.”

#3. The worst thing.

“My uncle was a mall santa for a while.

He said that the worst thing he was asked for by a child was “Can you get daddy to come home?”

He also had quite a few kids tug on his beard (which was a real beard) to verify that he was actually santa.”

#2. Dream big.

“Never was a Santa, but once while being the Easter bunny I had a kid tell me “I wish I could poop chocolate eggs like you.”

#1. A grim one.

“This is a grim one. My ex’s dad owned a restaurant and I worked there part time in my late teens so I witnessed this. Christmas Eve’s were usually really busy, so to earn more money his wife came up with the idea to pretend to be Santa for a few hours on Christmas Eve and charge something like £2 per kid. This one dad came up to my ex’s dad (my ex’s dad was Santa. Not me) and paid the money for his kid and then went to the toilet with his other child (a baby) leaving the kid with “Santa”. “Santa” asked the kid what he wanted for Christmas, and apparently the kid whispered in to his ear “I want daddy to go away.”.

He asked the kid to explain why, and apparently the dad had beaten up the mother a few hours prior and had locked her in the shed in their back garden, before taking the kid and his baby sister out to eat because they had been crying hysterically and he was worried the neighbours would hear and get suspicious. “Santa” then asked the kid for his address, and told my ex (who worked in the kitchen) to call the police. I think some police went to the house, and then some turned up at the restaurant to arrest the dad. A social worker also came to collect the kids. We never found out what happened to them after that, but it ended up in the local paper and got loads of promotion for the restaurant.

Edit: I mustn’t have made myself clear enough. I wasn’t Santa, I was the waitress who witnessed it from afar (my ex got me a job at his family restaurant). My ex’s dad, aka the owner of the restaurant was Santa. I didn’t realise that this would blow up like it did and I feel like I need to just clarify that.

Edit 2: I love Reddit. You guys have managed to put some kind of magical Disney movie spin on the thouroughly depressing situation which I’d never considered before. Shit this sounds snarky but it’s not. I appreciate it, makes it seem even slightly positive.”