The French have an international reputation for being great lovers, but based on this collection of postcards from the 1920’s, that reputation might be undeserved. Because honestly, it looks like the people who made them had no idea what kissing even is, much less how to do it.
1. Can I Smell Your Adam’s Apple?
He REALLY liked her perfume.
2. Watch Your Eyes
HER: I bought a little something to help us in the bedroom.
HIM: Ooh, la la.
[She pulls out a pair of safety goggles.]
HIM: …that was ONE time!
3. Oh Snap!
Maybe she’s just trying to caress him. Or maybe she’s an assassin about to snap his neck. Either one works.
“At first I thought she fainted from passion. Turns out I was cutting off her air supply.”
5. Love Seat Substitute
I get it, I really do. When you wanna have a steamy makeout sesh, but don’t have the proper furniture, you have to make do. However, an Ottoman might not be the best choice.
6. Pillow Talk
As the old saying goes, “A gentleman always provides a lady with a pillow before he mushes her face into a table with his kisses.”
7. The Mid-Makeout Nap
“That’s OK, I’ll just wait ’til he wakes up.”
8. Where do I put my hands?
It’s a harder question than you might think.
9. Between Two Trees
All they have to watch out for are the rabid squirrels and deranged lumberjacks.
10. Le Motorboat
The gentleman is doing what today is known as “motorboating.” Meanwhile, the lady is “Going over her shopping list.”
11. Not Feeling It
Pictured: the exact moment the phrase “Actually, I have a headache” was invented.
12. Look Away
It looks like she turned her head at the last second, and he has worse aim than me when I get up at 3 a.m. to pee.
13. The Headlock
This one works as both a kissing technique, and a WWE finishing move.
14. A Kiss From Above
There’s a third person in their relationship: the chiropractor.
15. When Contortionists Fall In Love.
I hope they did plenty of stretching first.
h/t: Vintage Everyday