Leonardo da Vinci. Henry Ford. Steve Jobs. Once in a while, a visionary comes along with an idea that changes the very way we live our lives. And now, it looks like it’s time to add another name to that list: Magnus Irvin, owner and operator of Edible Anus, a company that makes chocolate molds of everyone’s favorite orifice.
Right now, you can buy a box of three edible anuses, in milk, dark and white chocolate, for just $10. However, if you want a gift that’s even more special, Mr. Irvin will make a bronze mold of your anus for just $1,900.
Hmmmm, should I get my girlfriend a diamond, or a bronze cast of my butthole? I just can’t make up my mind!
The Edible Anus story goes all the way back to 2006, when Mr. Irvin, a London-based artist, was working on an exhibit featuring a variety of multi-colored chocolate anuses. As Mr. Irvin told it, his first attempts were ill-fated and messy. Here is his description, which is VERY NSFW. (But then, you did already click on a link about “Edible Anuses,” so if this quote offends you, that’s kind of on you):
“I poured the stuff in me bum and it all run past me nuts into me face.”
Pictured: Magnus Irvin, who looks exactly how you’d picture someone whose title is “Inventor of the chocolate anus.”
Mr. Irvin knew that he couldn’t make his vision a reality without help. He would need someone to model their anus for him. And, according to the “About Us” section of his website, he found them:
“Whilst explaining his failure to a chance aquaintance [sic] at a bus stop he was gratified to find that his fellow bus passenger was willing to allow him to cast her anus. The job was done in just over half an hour later that afternoon and all subsequent anuses have been based on this casting. It is a matter of interest that the person who kindly donated her service has no idea that her anus has now gone global.”
I think we have a candidate for Friend of the Year.
Pictured: Thomas Edison, who is sometimes referred to as “The Magnus Irvin of light bulbs.”
The process of modeling someone’s anus for chocolate or bronze is anything but simple. Irvin uses the same gel dentists use to make molds of teeth. The gel takes half an hour to set, meaning you have to keep your legs propped up in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time.
Sometimes, you just gotta suffer for your art.
It may be too late in the year to get a custom chocolate or bronze mold of your anus for that special someone. But Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, if you want to give your most intimate partner a gift they will remember forever.
Come to think of it, a chocolate mold of your anus is ALSO a great gift for your worst enemy. It’s the rare gift that works equally well for lovers and enemies, but Mr. Irvin, bless him, has found it.
Make sure you check back here for an update on October 6th, 2018, when Nobel Prizes are announced.