When VCRs were first introduced to the market in the 1960’s, they were an expensive status symbol available to few families. But by the middle of the 80’s prices dropped and nearly everyone could afford a home video player. That meant a huge demand for videotapes to watch, and the market quickly tried to meet that need. Thousands of videos were quickly and cheaply produced. Some were great, but many, many more were not.
Thanks to the inexhaustible folks over at The Found Footage Festival, we’ve got a gallery of the worst of 80’s and 90’s home video. We’ve got direct-to-video schlock masterpieces. We’ve got celebrities looking make a quick buck. We’ve got the niche-est of niche videos. We’ve even got a few videos made by a lone weirdo with a camera and a lot to say.
Sure, they may not offer anything of entertainment or educational value, but their covers are a delight. Let’s give these forgotten artifacts a moment in the sun.
1. “Identifying Machine Made Marbles”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been scammed by someone claiming to sell me a handmade marble only for it to be machine-made. Lost multiple friendships over it.
2. “Regis Philbin: My Personal Workout”
I know when I want workout tips, my first choice is fitness icon Regis Philbin.
Also, I love that Gelman had to be in the video.
3. “Cowboy In Sweden”
Thanks, but I prefer “Viking In Wyoming.”
4. “Mugsy’s Girls: First Mud!”
At last we get to the true purpose of the VCR. The VCR truly was a life preserver for horny suburban Dads everywhere.
5. “10 Crunchy Carrots”
It turns out “10 Crunchy Carrots” is a singalong video for kids, and not a fetish video of a lady eating carrots. Disappointing.
6. “Dare To Bare: Erotic Shaving And Sexual Pleasures”
“Erotic” shaving? She’s shaving sideways. There’s nothing sexy about razor burn.
7. “The Grabowski Shuffle”
8. “Gary Coleman: For Safety’s Sake”
Did you think this was a Honey I Shrunk The Kids knockoff where two siblings are terrorized by a gigantic Gary Coleman? Too bad. It’s a safety video. Womp womp.
9. “Carving A Santa Face”
Gene Webb even explains what to do when your carved Santa Face tells you to do things.
10. “Astrology Songs”
A great home video made by a man who, by the looks of it, makes his home in an abandoned school bus in the woods.