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26 Squeaky Clean Jokes That Still Get a Laugh Every Time

Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0

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What’s your favorite clean joke?

One that makes you laugh as hard as any other joke, not just the first time, but EVERY time you hear it?

Here’s mine:

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

These 26 from AskReddit are even better:

1. When in Rome…

I, for one, enjoy the use of Roman numerals.

2. Mad Cow

2 cows are grazing in a field.

1 cow says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”

The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter!”

3. Piratey

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey.

4. The Gig

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.

It’s shift work.

5. Comrade

Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

6. Slippery

What’s a foot long and slippery?

A slipper

Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0

7. Almost forgot about him…

What rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

8. Poof!

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

9. Ice, Ice, Brucy

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.

Icy dead people.

10. “Don’t wanna close my eyes…”

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.

11. Bankers

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”

The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”

12. Joke-splaining

I’ve been told I’m condescending.

(that means I talk down to people)

13. Wait for it…

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line” Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

14. Sharp

Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?

15. Puns!

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.
But people in Abu Dhabi do!

16. Lights!

I got my son a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Photo Credit: Giphy/Impastor

17. Short

What’s ET short for?

He’s only got little legs.

18. mEARpoix

A guy goes to the Doctor. He’s got a Carrot in 1 ear, a stalk of Celery in his other ear, a Pea in his nostril, he says “Doctor, I haven’t been feeling well.”

The Doctor says “That’s because you’re not eating right.”

19. Zoom Zoom

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

Then it hit me.

20. Close Up

When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

21. Breaking

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

22. It’s a-me!

How do you talk to dead Italians? With a Luigi board.

23. Know Your Knot

“Knock knock”
Who’s there?
“Amish”
Amish who?
“You are not a shoe.”

24. Flighty

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

25. Silent Treatment

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

26. Snowflake

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for fresh prints.

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