23 Crazy, Drunken Tales from New Year’s Eve


I think it’s a bit overrated, but plenty of folks LOVE the debauched revelry of December 31-January 1. And I have to admit, some of these tales from AskReddit users about the best drunken stories they remember from New Year’s past sound pretty frickin fun:

1. Pizza

Coming home from the party last night, we stopped for pizza. The super drunk guy in front of us in line told us he paid for our pizza. He made a big deal out of it, but then fumbled the machine and almost forgot his card and dropped his pizza box on the floor.

We asked the cashier if he had paid for our pizza. She double-checked and said, “Actually, he… didn’t even pay for his own pizza.” We paid for it.

2. Petting

A friend of mine was extremely drunk and saw this guy walking his dog. My friend started petting the dog, but when the owner asked him to stop, he started petting the man instead.

3. The Dr. is in

He fell down and spilled a can of Dr Pepper all over the floor. Then he dropped his phone on the floor and said, “oh no, my phone is in Dr Pepper!” Then he looked around and exclaimed, “oh no I’M in Dr Pepper!”

Also, plot twist, this is actually about me and I wrote in the third person so I didn’t sound like such an idiot.

4. Y not?

A guy I’d never met named Tony kept asking all the female party goers if they knew what his name was spelled backwards. Then would slur out ” y not” my wife thought it was funny and creepy at the same time.

5. He’s fine…

We asked our friend how drunk he was. He responded, “Twice!”

6. Fireworks

Our one drunk buddy tried to shoot a firework while holding it in his mouth. I don’t think he’ll be trying that again.

He tightened it too hard so the firework never flew. Instead, it exploded right on top of him. He ended up with his face completely black from the powder and some pretty nasty burns.

Two policemen were standing next to us when this happened. They told him it was the stupidest thing they had seen all year (and yes we were still in 2016).

7. “I get around”

There were a few singles at my New Year’s Eve party. They were joking about just all kissing each other, when my buddy suddenly offered to kiss all of them.

When asked how he’s going to accomplish that he manages to slur out the words “Midnight is a whole minute, and I get around.”

8. Scottish

I live in Texas and have a friend who moved here from Scotland a few years ago. Ever since she moved here she consistently has faked an “American” accent to fit in.

Last night she got so drunk she forgot about her American accent and started swearing loudly in the thickest Scottish accent for an hour or so.

9. That’ll do it

We were partying on the beach, and this one guy couldn’t find anywhere to hide his bag. So he just tossed it into the ocean and yelled, “Nobody can steal my beer now!”

10. Never ever

“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, I HAVE NEVER DIED BEFORE.” Delivered by a friend who got kicked out of two clubs and wanted to keep partying.

11. The stacking game

I think I might have been that person. I woke up this morning and saw a photo of people stacking boxes on my head. It was impressive how tall it was and that I didn’t wake up as a result.