Not all marriages last forever. It’s nothing like the “50%” statistic that is tossed around so often, but divorce definitely still happens.
And, sometimes, you know it’s going to happen right from the beginning.
Like, on the wedding day.
That’s probably when it’s the most sad.
Especially if you bought them a wedding gift.
But I did find a happy ending for the finale (kind of):
#1. Objecting to Her Own Marriage?
The bride came creeping up to my brother and handed him a note detailing how much she loved him and how if he wanted her all he had to do was object when the time came.
He handed the note off to the the groom’s sister, and we left before the ceremony began.
My Facebook says they did end up getting married. Haven’t seen them since then though.
#2. Well then.
I was in charge of choosing a male strip club for the bachelorette party.
I went to check a place out…
Bumped into the groom…
In the audience.
#3. “I wish I was single”
When I was 17, I was a bridesmaid in my 19-year-old cousin’s shotgun wedding.
After the ceremony, we got into the limo to go to the reception. She turns to me, and says “God, I wish I was single!”
#4. What Would Maury Do?
The groom invited his female friend, she was in the early stages of pregnancy. Towards the end of the night, the bride asked who the father was.
The friend cheerfully said the groom’s name.
#5. A Conspicuous Edit
The bride had the minister put “Til death, or divorce, do us part” into the ceremony.
#6. Taking Odds
The groom looked drunk, and the bride seemed incredibly angry. Then, there was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce.
I later found out she was the mother of the groom.
#7. Clearly Not for Life
My sister’s new husband made out with a bridesmaid on the dance floor of the reception.
During the ceremony, when the priest started asking the bride, “Do you take this man to be your…” she started laughing uncontrollably and couldn’t stop.
It was cute for about 10 seconds, and then things got real uncomfortable.
They lasted a year and change.
Groom mashed the cake into the (pregnant) bride’s face so hard she went down backwards.
Groom and his father ended up fist fighting in the bathroom, cops were called, fun times…
#10. “And, we went our separate ways.”
During the ceremony my wife is crying, I ask her why, and she says, “I always thought I would be the one to marry him.”
She ended up cheating on me with him, and we went out separate ways.
#11. “438 Days”
They were friends of mine who dated for nearly two years before their wedding. He loved her more than she loved him, obvious to all our friends, and we suspected she begrudgingly said yet to his proposal.
He said his vows first and went on and on about loving her for the rest of his life. During hers, she started with “438 days… that’s how long I’ve loved you.” It seemed sweet until she ended her vows with, “And I promise to love you for at least 438 more.”
Most thought nothing of it and some friends called me a dick for saying it was a subconscious sign she wasn’t in it for the long haul.
She left him exactly that amount of days after the wedding with a note that said, “I kept my vow to love you for 438 days more, but I can’t for a single day more.”
#12. The Bride Said It First
The bride told us, as she was going from table to table thanking the guests, that she didn’t think it would last. We were stunned. They lasted about a year.
#13. “She Flinched”
She flinched when he turned to kiss her.
They were divorced within six months.