If you’ve ever been around children for any length of time, you know that they can drop truth bombs in your lap that will decimate your ego in a white hot flash of for reals.
Get ready for some sick burns. Because these folks weren’t prepared.
21. What do you know son?
Last Thursday, after I had a particularly stressful day at work, my 7-year-old said,
“The only job that matters to me is being my dad and you’re awesome at it. And if mommy leaves you for another dad, I will always tell the new dad that my old dad was my favorite dad.”
“Thanks. I love you. Where’s your mom?”
Me: Tell me a joke.
My 4 year old: You’re a joke.
I had been reading a thread where everyone was sharing jokes they’ve been told by kids, and I was curious what my son would come up with. I expected something hilariously random. I got emotionally wrecked instead.
19. Fishing for a compliment?
At the aquarium…
“Wow daddy, that fish is even uglier than you.”
18. Yes I am.
“Sorry, I’m not feeling great today”
“Ugh, you’re only sad because your girlfriend broke up with you!”
Thanks kid, you really helped me figure that one out.
17. Nephew probs
My nephew told me my breath smelled bad. I told him I was sure it did smell bad, since I hadn’t eaten all day, but that he should avoid saying mean things even if they were true.
A different nephew once asked my cousin “Are you Jane? Or are you Anne?” She said “I’m Jane. Anne is my sister.”
The nephew responds “Oh, right. I remember. Anne is the one who’s pretty.”
16. Can you please clarify that?
While we were in a car, and I was enjoying music.
“What’s your favorite band?”
I tell her.
“Can we listen to the exact opposite of that? Because I HATE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”
Ripped my soul in half.
Was my ex gf’s 10 year old daughter.
15. Pretty brutal
Was waiting for my daughter to get her coat and boots on at daycare and another little girl walked up to me. She was probably about six.
She told me her parents got a divorce so she was just like my daughter now. I nodded at her and then I got this gem.
“I get to go one week with my mommy and one week with my daddy. Today I go with my daddy. He has a new girlfriend and shes WAY WAY WAY more pretty than my mom. I wish my mom was as pretty as my daddy’s girlfriend.”
I just cringed.
“Daddy, do you think if you drank less you wouldn’t have all those marks on your face?”
For Christ’s sake. This was from my two year old daughter just a few days ago.
For the record, I’ve been sober for about a month and am heavily scarred, including on my face.