Ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party that wasn’t crazy as all get out?
We have a name for that: “Lame.”
But there are fates worse than lame, like jail, paralysis and/or death.
And that’s pretty much what we’re looking at with these 22 entries from AskReddit.
1. Boas and Glitter
I tended bar for years and saw more stupid bachelorette parties than I care to remember. Most were pretty standard with cock shaped straws and boas and glitter.
Some though…some were just [messed] up. Nothing speaks to the sanctimony of an impending marriage like the bride-to-be getting [it] in the bathroom by two guys she just met.
2. “Derpina holds the key!”
My track coach was running his friend’s bachelor party. They went from bar to bar, and the friend, Derp, would carry around a bowling ball with the name of his fiancee, Derpina, on it. At the end of the night, they ended up at the home of his dad, the chief of police. They stripped him naked and handcuffed him to the tree in the front yard. Then they placed the key in an envelope and put it in the fiancee’s mailbox. In the morning the dad called all in a huff and said, “Coach, this isn’t funny!” All my coach would say was “Derpina holds the key!” and then hang up.
3. More Handcuffs…
My dad’s bachelor party. His “friends” handcuffed him with his hands behind is back and took him out in a rowboat.
They threw him overboard. They rowed away.
He got his hands in front of him, swam back to shore, and never talked to them again.
4. Fake Beard
The groom is dressed up, fake beard and stuff. Have fun, activities and alcohol. At the evening, go for a sauna. He realizes all the dudes are missing pubes – and he has had a very realistic fake beard.
5. Ball and Chain
For one of my dad’s coworkers wedding the guys rigged up a 16lb bowling ball hooked to a chain with one side of a prison ankle cuff on it. The night before the wedding they all proceeded to get hammered and after the groom passed out they clamped the ankle cuff on him and and changed all of the clocks in his hotel room to a couple hours ahead.
The next morning they barged in his room screaming “Get up! We’re late! Dude your gonna be late to your wedding!” The groom snaps awake, looks at the clock, freaks out and tries to run to get ready. He makes it about one step before the chain on the ball catches him and he faceplants. He’s still hungover so he just tries to get up and run again but [falls] again. He now realizes what he has chained to his leg and he starts screaming “What! What!” At this point all of the groomsmen had lost it and were crying with laughter. It took them a while to calm him down and explain that they had changed the clocks and he still had half the day before the wedding.
They still left him chained to the bowling ball for a couple hours just for good measure.
The groom-to-be had a small party (like him and 6-7 friends) at a hotel. No [exotic dancers], but plenty of booze, video games, and food. Someone complained the party was [boring] and there should be [exotic dancers] involved. The groom loved his bride-to-be and forbid [exotic dancers], but he said he had some awesome drugs that he was saving.
The guy that complained about the party being boring was the bride’s younger brother that the groom invited purely to make his bride happy. The groom and everyone else at the party didn’t like him, and the drugs everyone was taking was actually just some type of herb that didn’t do anything. Everyone knew this except the bride’s brother.
They all played along and pretended they were [messed] up, claiming to see [crap] that wasn’t there and just in general act like idiots. The bride’s brother kept saying he didn’t feel anything, but after a while he did. He started running around the hotel, screaming, saying very rude things about everyone at the party, peed on the hotel bed, went out on the balcony naked and started screaming…just generally acting like a total idiot.
All the while the groom and his friends started recording it on their phones and laughing at his stupidity. After a while they told him it was just a herb and he was acting like an idiot on his own. My friend said that he just kept acting stupid and before he “came down” he [pooped] all over the bathroom sink and mirrors.
7. Saved by the Prank
My best friend’s grandpa celebrated his stag party just like we would have. The night before the wedding his friends picked him up and got him absolutely smashed. They somehow convinced him to get naked and when they were in the middle of nowhere stopped to let him take a piss. When he exited the car, the guys locked the door and sped off in a hurry, leaving him, stranded and naked on the middle of a highway 80 miles from town. He decided to hitchhike and the first person to come by was actually kind enough to stop and lend a helping hand to a naked stranger.
About one mile down the road from where he was ditched, they came around a corner and discovered that the best friends had flipped their car in the ditch. They all sat on the side of the road by their totalled car when he passed them. He rolled down the window and gave them a good old wave, with his junk… as they passed. Now theres a legendary time.