I still remember my finest moment in high school. A teacher who was annoyed with me said, “If I hear another peep out of you, you’re gonna be in trouble.”
My response? “Peep peep.”
The classroom erupted in laughter. I was a LEGEND (for 5 seconds). It’s been all downhill ever since.
Take a look at 21 of the best sarcastic responses that students and teachers shared on AskReddit.
1. Hey o!
I had a teacher tell a classmate “no drinks in class.” He got up from his seat, picked up the teachers drink, and deposited in the garbage with his drink. She sent him to the office.
Back when I taught first grade, we were doing a writing assignment about Thanksgiving. The kids had to draw a picture of their family celebrating Thanksgiving, and then write about it. One little girl drew the table and chairs, and that was all. I knew she just didn’t feel like doing the work, so I tried to prompt her. I asked where the food and her family were, and she snapped right back with, “They’re washing the dishes.” Had to give her credit for coming up with a logical argument for not doing the work!
3. This kid rules
A kid in my math class would sleep on his desk. One day the teacher called on him to answer a problem on the chalk board. He woke up, solved the problem on the board with zero difficulty, and then just went back to sleep.
The teacher repeated the same thing a few times with similar results, and then just let him sleep the rest of the year.
This really shy kid that doesn’t really speak much was getting picked on by this mean girl when the teacher tells her, “Be nice to him, he might be your boss someday.”
Without missing a beat he replies, “No thanks, I don’t want to be a pimp when I grow up.”
5. A real zinger
My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks.
Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with “You’ve gotta be a man. You’ve gotta be like me.”
The student replied with: “Well which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?”
We had a teacher that would always threaten to phone our home if we were misbehaving, but she promptly stopped after this:
Teacher: “What would your mother say if I called home right now?”
Student: “She would say hello.”
I’m not a teacher, but I had a friend in school who was always pretty dramatic. She actually did have IBS though. So we’re in this teacher’s class and she keeps asking to use the bathroom.
The teacher says no and my friend’s like, “I have IBS though!” and the teacher is like, “Tell me what those initials mean and I will let you go.”
So she screams “IT MEANS I HAVE TO CRAP” and takes off out of the room.
8. “Hey, ma”
In high school one of my teachers was having a disagreement with a student. I can’t remember what it was about but finally the teacher ask him if she wanted her to call his mother. The student replies, “Do it then. My mama will agree with me too.”
The teacher then asks him to leave her class. He goes, “You know what I’m gonna call my mom for you.”
He then whips out his cell phone and calls his mom on speaker. “Hey, ma, this teacher want to talk to you.”
The whole class just lost it.
9. Kid from the back
Well this one was during coaching classes for entrance exams.
The math teacher reduced a given problem to a simpler form and challenged the students, “So this expression doesn’t fit any of the given standard forms for us to find the particular integral. So what do you propose we do?”
A kid from the back shouted, “The next question.”
I’ve taught preschool for years, and one of my favorite “dad” responses to children who are being whiny is “Hi, _____. I’m your teacher!” (Eg,”I’m thirsty.” “Hi, Thirsty. I’m your teacher!”).
Anyway, one day, after a long week, I sat down to lunch with my class and say to a child (we’ll call him Tommy), “Boy, Tommy. I’m really tired today.”
Without skipping a beat, he swallows his Mac-n-cheese, looks me right in the eyes and says, “Hi, Really Tired. I’m Tommy.”
That was the day I knew I had taught him all I could.