Our children and siblings can mean the entire world to us. So when they bring home a total tool, it’s hard to allow them to continue dating that person. These 20 people shared with AskReddit the times their children brought home some some not so acceptable people and what they did to try to end it.
1. Looking out for baby brother.
Not a parent, but an older brother. I’m about thirteen years older than my little brother, and after my parents died, I basically raised him.
He’s bisexual, and when he was sixteen, he started dating this really douchey guy who I got super bad vibes from. I didn’t know until after it was over, but he was very controlling and was constantly trying to pressure my brother into doing things he wasn’t really comfortable doing (sex, drinking, smoking, etc) and since I didn’t know this was happening, I just figured he would get over this creep and find someone decent later on. I didn’t have any evidence that the guy was bad, so I avoided conflict by letting it happen. Yeah, bad idea, obviously.
I immediately shut it down when my brother came home with a bruise on his cheek, apparently the jerk had hit him after my brother said no to having sex with him. There wasn’t an argument between us, he realized that his (ex, obviously) boyfriend was a total tool after that.
2. Sometimes, when you’ve done a good job parenting, your kids handle things fine themselves.
When he was 14 my son caught the attention of the only girl on his hockey team. They started hanging out a bit, and she would dye his hair strange colours, all harmless stuff. Then he found out she was also hanging out with some other guys, and got suspended from school for drug/alcohol abuse, so he backed away. Then she drunk-dialled him one night at midnight, telling him how much she missed him. He told her that this was not OK, and he liked hanging out with her, but not if she was going to be like that. I think her parents had also had enough of her antics, because she spent the following summer at a special “hockey” camp far away from home, and played on an all-girls team the next season.
So my son basically handled it himself, but there was NO WAY we were going to let it carry on if he hadn’t.
3. Glad it ended.
My son is 15 and recently had his first girlfriend. A couple of months ago, I was driving them home from school and asking about their day. The girlfriend started explaining that they were learning about the Holocaust in their WWII unit when this exchange took place:
Girlfriend: The holocaust was horrible! It should have never happened to the Jews; it should have happened to the Muslims instead.
Me: after a quick brake-check WHAT?!
Girlfriend: It should have happened to the Muslims instead.
Me: No. Something like the holocaust shouldn’t have happened to anyone at any time.
Girlfriend: I just don’t like Muslims.
Me: Have you ever met one?
Girlfriend: No, but I just don’t like them.
After dropping her off, I had a talk with my son about how the opinions of others should not influence our own.
Two days later he broke up with her….
4. Dad doesn’t always know best.
I was the guy that was never going to date someone’s daughter.
I started dating a girl in my late teens and it seemed to be going well. One day while hanging out at her house, her father came into the living room and started talking to her in French (they’re of French heritage, I’m not). I could see that the girl was getting upset answering back, then he got noticeable more angry and it escalated until finally she grabbed my hand, said “let’s go” and we went outside. I asked what that was all about and she proceeded to tell me how her father didn’t want me in their house because he had heard stories about my father, the drunk that had multiple run-ins with the law, none of which were good. She tried defending me by saying that I was nice and she liked me to which he replied that he didn’t care what she thought because she needed to trust him, I was only going to hurt her and get her into trouble. Apples don’t fall far from the tree.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing but be myself. I didn’t avoid him. I didn’t try to kiss his butt. I just went on as though I had never heard what was said while his daughter and I continued to date.
That was in 1997. His daughter and I got engaged and bought our first house together in 2001. We were married in 2003. We tried, unsuccessfully, for many emotional years to have children. We battled together successfully through my wife’s cancer between 2009-2010. We were blessed with our first daughter in 2013. We happily welcomed our second daughter just two months ago. We have no intentions of not growing old together.
There have been so many times over the last 15 years that my father-in-law has told me how happy he is to have me as a son-in-law and how thankful he is that his daughter is with someone that treats her so well and is always there for her.
I can’t imagine how our lives would been had my wife listened to her father.
5. “I just don’t know what she sees in him.”
Not a parent, but my little sister’s boyfriend is awful.
She just turned 20 but she was a teenager by the age of 6. Her hobbies are makeup, fashion and her hair. She takes hours to get ready to go out. She wears hair extensions every day. She works out. High maintenance is probably the word. Basically she’s all about her appearance.
Her boyfriend… is not. He wore sweatpants to Christmas dinner, and he ate so much he fell asleep at the table. I’m pretty sure he owns only 1 polo shirt, which is his idea of dressed up. He’s not intelligent. Together they are the hot wife/slob husband cliche you find in sitcoms. However, the worst part is he’s 6 years older than her and already has 2 children by 2 different mothers. Both of whom look very similar to my sister. I really don’t know what she sees in him but I hope she breaks it off soon…
6. If you see something, say something.
When my youngest sister was 15 she started dating a 20 year old skumbag. He dealt coke, drove drunk/stoned, got my sister pregnant three times (she always had abortions). And my parents just worried silently… never came down hard on her when she wouldn’t come for days, would cut class, would go visit him in hotels when his mother kicked him out, etc.
I’m 5 years older, so was at college when this all happening. But when I’d come home on weekends, I’d go looking for her and yell and make a fuss.
She, of course, hated me for years, and does not want me to tell her teen daughters about him.
She finally broke up with him when he totaled my dad’s car. It’s a wonder he didn’t die in that crash.
And DECADES later she tells me she still thinks she could have turned him around and bears him no ill will.
I’m a parent of teens now. Thankfully I don’t see my kids going down that road. But I will NOT sit idly by, waiting for some stupid teen to “finally see the light” if my kids make a wrong turn.
If you SEE something, SAY something…