Relationships can suck. I mean, if you have a good one …yay for you. But the rest of us often find ourselves wondering why in the hell we always surround ourselves with 31 different flavors of crazy. These (former) husbands share their stories of when they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives…as freaking far away from these women as possible.
1. Now you want permission?
“She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all her girlfriends during a girls’ night out.
Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to having an affair. I can do math and deduce, and she clearly couldn’t. It was with her boss.
Lawyered up the next day, and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff’s notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days.
I never knew she could be that dumb.”
2. OMG, that poor child
“I always refused to raise my voice during arguments, which usually made her crazier and scream louder. After one such argument, during which our 3-year-old daughter was playing upstairs, she started coming down at the same time her mother was storming up the stairs like a child of comparable age. Our daughter was in the way and her mother got in her face and screamed, ‘GOD, I FREAKING HATE YOU, MOVE!’
Of course, my daughter came to me, hurt. That was the moment I decided it was over.”
3. Turkey in the Can
“We were already not speaking. It was Thanksgiving. I knew she wasn’t going to bother, but I made a turkey and whatever goes with turkey for my then 8-year-old daughter. I had the turkey out on the counter to rest after roasting.
My beloved bride walked in, calmly threw the turkey in the kitchen trash can, and walked out.
I had to take my kid to freaking Golden Corral for Thanksgiving. That was it. I was done.”
4. What a Moment
“When, after being in Afghanistan for 8 months (May ’02-Nov ’02), she was missing, but had my car, I found two random women, with kids and pets, living in the apartment I paid for, the electricity cut off, had no money in my bank account, a pay advance authorized by my commander, and a friend telling me to go easy on her because she was 5 months pregnant with HIS kid.
OH! And he had had heart surgery to remove some kind of cysts from his heart just before I left. He was 23, had a pacemaker, and basically half a heart. If I scared him, he could die.
I’d say that was the moment.”
5. Pure Bliss
“Besides the narcissism, random violence and violent outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work so she didn’t talk to me, not one word, for a week. PURE BLISS, for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologize, I handed her the divorce papers.
‘Because you rob me of solitude, but provide me with no companionship.'”
“I endured a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship for over six years with my first wife, four of which we were married. There were many, many instances that should have caused our marriage’s demise.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, though, was eight days after I had major oral surgery. Due to a freak medical occurrence, I had to have 28 teeth cut out and two holes drilled into my sinus cavities from top of the back of my gums.
She and I were in a grocery store parking lot, and I asked her not to start an argument in the store because it’s a small town and I was so tired of being ‘those people.’ Her reaction was to backhand me in the mouth. Six times.
Or at least, I counted six times because I’m pretty darn sure I lost consciousness. I just remember waking up when we were pulling into our driveway while she was freaking out because my face was against the window and blood was coming from my mouth like a fountain.”
7. Christmas Gifts
“Not me, but one of my best friends. He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife’s Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700).
Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work, as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.
Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked, ‘Did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one, btw) and you only got me a few things?’
At that point, his brother-in-law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later, when he was dropping me off at the airport, he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.”
“She woke me up in the middle of the night to grab the extra blanket off the bed. I expected to find her disgruntled on the couch alone the next morning. I found her in the guest bed with another woman- both naked. No forewarnings or clue-ins. Just despondent betrayal.
I woke her for answers and got a whole lot of mumbles. Decided to split for ‘space.’
That weekend, we both ended up at the same bar on the same dance floor. I thought she’d followed me there to make amends. She’d brought the same girl and completely ignored me when I called out to her. When I walked up to her, she pretended I was a stranger…I told her I’m not going to play any games and didn’t know what was going on. She said she didn’t want to be married. I gave her the ring back and went to tell my friends goodbye that night. I didn’t want to tell them why, I felt so embarrassed.
She saw me talking to my friends and decided to make out in front of us with her new woman directly on the dance floor eight feet away from where I stood while everyone stared.
Looking back now, I realize she probably was scared to come out. I can give her credit for that. But she was an awful person for the way she did it and for never having the courage to say to my face whatever she was feeling. I thought we were best friends. I thought we were going to be together forever… She asked me to marry her.
Now I’m just grateful for not being with a liar and a coward. I’ve made a fresh start. Sold everything. Traded my entire wardrobe and style to feel like I’m in a new life. Sure, I’ve lost more money than I ever thought imaginable. And the dog… I just keep optimistic that I’ll find someone who deserves my time. I don’t focus on the past and I have faith in God and the future.
Whoever I marry next will be grateful for a man like me and loyal. But until then I’m gonna enjoy the single life again and just play.”