We’ve all made those “once-in-a-lifetime” mistakes. And hopefully most of us learned enough so we NEVER make that mistake again.
Thankfully for us readers, these folks on AskReddit most definitely did not:
1. 3rd Time’s the Charm
Chipped a front tooth biting my nails. Three times. Same tooth, same nail.
After the last time I said whatever and got a silver tooth.
Moving to another state twice for two different dudes I met online. The same state. Will be moving back to the same state soon for another dude. 3rd time’s a charm right?
Dick-pic to grandpa.
Honestly the second time was easier to explain.
4. The Patron
My father-in-law has twice sponsored Nigerian princes.
My dad worked at a gas station in his teens. He cleaned a glass door so well that when he was done, he turned to pick up his bucket, turned back to the door and stepped right through the glass. They docked his wages to pay for it.
After the new glass was installed, my dad decided to clean the installer’s fingerprints off the glass. When he was done, he turned to pick up his bucket…
6. Bye, Hay Loft
Walking in my grandparent’s barn in the hay loft. Didn’t know a hay loft would have an opening in the floor to toss hay bales into the horse stalls below. Also didn’t know my grandfather had put a thin sheet of plexiglass over the opening because he didn’t feed them in the stalls and didn’t want the hay falling down into the stalls by accident. The plexiglass had gotten pretty much covered completely by hay. So as my cousins and I were walking through the loft, I stepped into the plexiglass… and disappeared into the horse stall below. I was maybe 6 years old and it was a good 15ft drop, so not a minor thing. I wasn’t injured but it was a very scary event. Parents were retrieved, I was crying, it became a moderately big deal. Luckily the stall was empty at the time.
About 2 years later I’d basically forgotten about the whole thing, but my cousins had not. Again we were playing around in the hay loft. One if my cousins dared me to walk across a stretch of the floor that was covered with hay (the plexiglass had been replaced). Being one of the youngest of the cousins of course I was not going to chicken out on such a simple dare. So I did… and again disappeared into the horse stall. This time falling in right behind the very big, very skittish Arabian horse my grandparent’s owned. To this day no one can understand why that horse didn’t kick out, he would freak out at everything. But he just looked back at me very confused as to why this small screaming human had suddenly appeared in his stall…
I was not allowed in the barn anymore after that.
Fell down a flight of stairs twice. Intentionally.
First time was when I was 4, reading a book on how a turtle cracked its shell to become wise, so I decided to crack my own shell by throwing myself down the stairs.
Second time was when I was demonstrating to a friend about the scenario above. I only really meant to jump down two stairs as an example, but I just kept on going….
7th grade. Was shooting spitballs in class. Teacher turns around for a second, war begins. I shot first this round and got my friend, 30 feet across the room in the mouth as he was inhaling to power his spitball. He immediately fishhooks himself with his pinky finger in his cheek and starts gagging, then choking. Teacher freaks and tries to do the heimlich thing. Ambulance arrives, parents were called, investigation took place. Everybody lived.
15 or so years later I’m in the army, in AIT. We are shining our boots with polish, cotton balls, and water. People start throwing these wet, nasty, boot polish soaked cotton balls at each other just messing around. I throw one and as you might have guessed, right in my friends mouth about 30 feet away. Same pinky fishhook in the cheek, same cat with a hairball horking / gagging noise, followed by choking, heimlich, and an investigation.
9. Mouth Glass
When I was much younger I used to bite down a bit on a glass when I was drinking it and one day I bit through it and cut my mouth.
A few weeks later I was out with my parents for dinner and they were telling some friends about what I did and I said “it was like this” and bit down on the glass breaking it and cutting my mouth again!
10. Three times?!
Got drunk, punched a window for fun (because they do it in the movies), shattered my wrist, mangled my hand so severely you could see my tendons through the cuts. Arterial spray was so bad that I got blood on the celling.
2 years later, got drunk, punched the same window, because somehow I decided the new glass I had put up was weaker than the previous (it was simply modern, thinner glass). The underbelly of my hand (karate chop area) was practically cut off, severed my thumb tendon and cut up my radial nerve so badly that I lost all feeling from under my palm up to the middle of my forearm.
You’d think that was the end of it… fast forward 6 months later, messing around with thick working gloves made for handling barbed wire. I spotted a panel of glass leaning against a wall, and figured I’d get my revenge, because no way anything can cut through this armored gauntlet looking glove. Punched said glass, ended up with a 6cm shard of glass stuck to my wrist.
11. “Within half an hour.”
Broke 6,000 USD high pressure mercury penetrometer. Two of them. Within half an hour. The lab had to shut the porosimetry section because they didn’t have enough penetrometers to keep processing samples.
12. “There are no once-in-a-lifetime mess ups in my world.”
Oh man, there are no once-in-a-lifetime mess ups in my world. In the past two months I’ve blown the tires on two rental cars immediately after pulling out of the lot. Last night I had to break into my own apartment after forgetting my keys but it’s cool, I’ve done this before. Earlier this summer I dropped my phone in water, got it replaced, and dropped my new phone in water in a span of about 48 hours. I accidentally put ear medicine in my eye twice (the bottle looks like a bottle of eye drops) before I decided to throw out the bottle. I’ve broken two lemon juicers by pressing them two hard. I’ve missed… several flights after writing down the wrong date or time.
Trust my cheating boyfriend.
I was at a shooting range and managed to hit the clip holding the target and it broke. The range manager guy came and replaced the clip, replaced the target and gave me the go ahead to start shooting again.
I aimed, pulled the trigger and hit the brand new clip and broke it again.
15. “Oh god I’m sorry; I meant…”
My friend’s dad was dying of terminal cancer, and decided to marry his girlfriend before he died. When talking to said friend, to her extreme distress, I accidentally called the wedding a funeral. Realizing my mistake, I tried to correct myself by saying “Oh god I’m sorry; I meant funeral!” I called it a funeral twice. Not good.
16. Not a Bartender
One time I tried to make a mixed drink in a martini shaker, and said drink had soda in it… The lid blew off and sprayed soda and vodka everywhere, it was a huge mess and I vowed to learn my lesson.
Then somewhere down the road several years later I found myself doing it again, and I realized what I had done with the clarity of a Vietnam flashback only moments before the lid popped off and sprayed soda everywhere.
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