Weddings are supposed to be the one of the happiest days in a couple’s lives, but really, they’re a recipe for a disaster. Take a bunch of people who already don’t like each other, (i.e. a family), put them in the same room, heighten their emotions, and feed them a superhuman amount of alcohol, and things are gonna get ugly quick. It’s amazing when a wedding doesn’t end with the cops being called, is what I’m saying.
Today we’ve got fifteen stories of weddings that were thoroughly derailed by their guests. By the end of this article, you may even be tempted to elope.
1. Mom’s Lingerie
When I married my husband four years ago, my mother decided she wanted to change everything. She called the florist pretending to be me, changed the size of her bouquet so it was substantially larger than mine and changed the colors of the flowers. I didn’t know this until I saw her prancing herself down the aisle.
But before all that, let me start with, she showed up late and drunk.
She then proceeded to fight because she wanted more pictures taken of her before I walked down the aisle. Then she also decided it would be most appropriate to wear a negligee (see-through nightgown). So we are already late to my wedding, wearing bedtime clothes walking down the aisle, drunk and with a giant bouquet of random color flowers. At the reception, we learned she changed my cake topper out for her own when she got married, which she smuggled in inside a shoe box. Then at the end of the night, she was so drunk she got mad we didn’t want her coming with us when we wanted to leave the party and go to our room.
She was obviously the greatest wedding guest ever. At least we can laugh about it now.
2. Party animal
My worst wedding guest was my SIL (husbands brothers wife) She got so shitfaced (like usual) she threw candy at me during the speeches, slapped two groomsmen in the face, smashed cheesecake into my husband’s eyes and grinded with her cousin during the mother/son dance. I was asked multiple times that night by family and friends what the hell was wrong with her… I just told them she was an alcoholic. It was humiliating. Almost 6 years later and we still haven’t spoken.
3. The understudy
A girl that had a crush on my hubby came to our wedding in a wedding dress, then sat on his lap during the reception and hugged him. Needless to say, my three bridesmaids threw her out!
4. Easy Riders
My mom’s half sister got married when I was like 13. The reception was at a hotel, and about halfway through, some former friends of the bride (5-6 of them who weren’t invited) showed up and tried to start a fight. They got kicked out but they weren’t done. They somehow got back in and rode three motorcycles through the main floor. Needless to say, a ton of cops were called. After that settled down, the groom got so wasted he ended up doing drunken handstands on the dance floor and passed out.
5. Room for one more?
At our wedding, we had invited a couple we barely knew at that time. Well, the woman in that relationship got a little bit too drunk. After the ceremony, I am walking around greeting guests and she pulled me aside to the side of the venue and tried to make out with me.
After I ever so gracefully just swatted her off and went about my way and as the night is wrapping up, me and my husband are heading to our hotel. There she was just waiting to ask both of us in front of her boyfriend “Wheres your hotel?! I want to join!”
We just gave her some random hotel and room number and her boyfriend mouthed “I’m so sorry” as we left.
6. Working blue
We got married a couple months ago on my husband’s family farm.
My dad lives close by, so he let us borrow his camper to stay in and he just went home when the reception was over.
During supper, we had ‘open mic’ for guests to have stories about us. My dad’s friend, who was quite intoxicated at the time, gets up for 3rd time and all 300+ guests are dreading what he’s about to say.
So he starts telling everyone how much money this camper cost my Dad, about how it’s only a couple years old, and how we are going to bend the jacks on it tonight and my husband is going to have to tell my dad, and my dad will probably beat the shit out of him. I wanted to crawl under the head table in that moment.
7. Hell hath no fury like…
I was a guest at a wedding in a very upscale community. All the wedding guests were seated in the church wearing their designer outfits. The priest was in place, the groom at the altar, and the organist started to play the wedding march. The bride was about to be escorted to the altar by her brother. As the flower girls walked down the aisle all of a sudden we heard screams, and a loud commotion.
Apparently, the brother of the bride had dumped his girlfriend right before the wedding, so the crazy ex decided she was going to ruin his sister’s big day. She physically attacked the bride, gauging fingernails in her face, tearing her veil off her head. She also was trying to rip the wedding gown off of the bride.
Guests were trying to break up the attack. The mother of the bride dumped a bowl of holy water over the ex-girlfriend’s head and it took 6 grown men to finally physically restrain the ex girlfriend. The priest just stood at the altar shouting “Jesus Christ” and rattled off a bunch of prayers. (Some of them even sounded like he was performing an exorcism!)
The police were called, 5 patrol cars responded and the brother’s ex girlfriend was eventually arrested. After an hour delay so that the bride’s dress could be repaired, the wedding finally took place.
We found out at the reception that the ex-girlfriend had been committed to a mental institution. Unfortunately, the bride had cuts all over her face but the wedding photographer was able to retouch them out of the wedding pictures. This wedding was definitely soap-opera worthy, and is a true legend in the town.
8. It’s politics, baby.
My aunt was getting married to my uncle, who is a prominent politician. He’s been invited to The White House many times for holiday parties and such. Keep in mind this was in 2007, so Obama hadn’t been elected yet, but my uncle was working very hard to support him in that endeavor.
My aunt’s stepmother (my step-grandmother) has three kids, and her oldest son (we’ll call him Mark) is just an absolute slimeball. His wife and son aren’t much better, but he’s the main character in this story.
Mark has what is graciously called a self-publishing company, with the stupidest name you could think of. People desperate to self-publish pay him a boatload to do so, and he takes a huge cut while scamming them all the way. One of his own books in the works was, I kid you not, “Is America Ready For a Black or Female President?” (Remember, Hillary was running then, too.) The book was literally just a single quote on each page from different friends of his, saying things like, “Yes,” “No,” and “I’m not sure.” Total garbage.
Mark had been asking my uncle to write an introduction the book, to make it more legit. My uncle kept asking him very patiently if they could discuss this at some point after the wedding, but no. At the reception, Mark continued to hound my uncle for a commitment to writing the introduction, handed out business cards to all the guests (they say Thought Leader Architect on them, I swear I am not making this up), got drunk, and was just generally a completely obnoxious asshole.
It didn’t end there. My uncle is too polite and nice to tell his new stepbrother to take a hike. While Mark and his family live on the West Coast, they do visit the East Coast from time to time. When they’re there, they call my uncle and demand favors, like getting a private tour of The White House, or getting an autographed picture of Obama, etc., even though that’s not really something my uncle can get them. It will never stop.
9. Magic Mike
I was a groomsman for my friends’ wedding. The night before the wedding, the bride had her bachelorette party, and we (the groom and groomsmen) set up the reception hall.
The bride calls me later for a ride home, which was odd at first, but I go get her. When I get there she says “Hi honey,” hugs me and tells me to just go along with it. I didn’t put it together, but she was in a male strip club. A half naked guy runs out saying it was good to see you (the bride) again. She tells me that was her ex boyfriend and the bridesmaids thought it would be funny to have him strip for her (the bride didn’t find it funny at all).
The next day at the ceremony, the stripper shows up. He was respectful and a really nice guy, but the bridesmaids couldn’t hold a straight face and the bride was so mad, she made the bridesmaids walk a couple miles to the reception. I told the groom about him and he thought it was hilarious.
10. “Nah, we don’t need a babysitter.”
The worst wedding guest I’ve ever encountered was my niece’s new mother-in-law. She wanted nothing to do with the wedding planning, but then showed up half an hour late (after the outdoor ceremony had already begun), and at the reception, tried to rearrange the buffet and cake tables to her liking since she didn’t like the way things had been set up.
About 30 min. into the reception, she left with her daughter (groom’s sister) supposedly to go get the newly married couple a wedding present. What no one realized until they had been gone for awhile is that the daughter left her 15-month old baby there toddling around with no one actually watching her. The child climbed onto the table and started demolishing the wedding cake.
The sister also had 2 other, older, children who were left unattended, but they were out running around somewhere playing in the park. The pair returned after about an hour or so (no wedding present in sight) and the mother starts tearing down all the decorations saying she thought the reception was “over.”
She then made the photographer redo all the pictures so she and her daughter could be in them. She also made a scene because no one made a dress for “Mary.” Mary was the groom’s little sister and one of the kids left running around that day. I guess that comment was directed at me, since I had made a white dress for the bride’s little sister, who was the flower girl. In the end, we had to rearrange the cake for pics of the cake cutting so that the damage the child made wouldn’t show, but there is a baby bottle clearly visible in every single damn picture of the cake.