By now, you probably know that international fast food chains tailor their menus for different countries, because different cultures have different ideas of what tastes good. Which is great!
Sometimes, these international menu items are so out there, you wonder who would want to ever eat them. Some of these are promotional foods awkwardly tied into a movie premier or product launch. Others are regular menu items, daring you to eat them. But if you ask me, with a lot of these it seems like a cook made a huge mistake, and the restaurant was too embarrassed to fess up so they kept it on the menu forever.
1. Flying Fish Roe Salmon Cream Cheese Pizza, by Pizza Hut Hong Kong
Hoo boy. So much to unpack here.
First off, that’s a lot of words to have in the name of your food. Imagine pointing to a menu and asking for a “Flying Fish Roe Salmon Cream Cheese Pizza.” I lost interest halfway through typing it.
Second, the name totally ignores all the toppings, which include scallops, crayfish, clams, shrimp, and what looks to be asparagus.
Third, the crust itself. I’m already against most stuffed crust pizzas, but stuffing it with fish egg cream cheese?!
Look, I love pizza. And I love seafood. But not everything I love needs to be combined with each other. I will be running for Congress on this platform.
2. Crown Crust Carnival, by Pizza Hut Middle East
Why is it called the Crown Crust Pizza? It’s not because of the shape; it’s because, once you eat, it you spend the rest of your life on the throne.
3. Chili Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza, by Pizza Hut New Zealand
You’ll notice that “conditions apply.” I think what they mean is, “You can eat this, under one condition: you can’t tell anybody it came from us.”
4. Double Decker Pizza, by Pizza Hut Singapore
They started with a fairly typical stuffed crust pizza, and then added some kind of hors d’oeuvres on top. The second deck is a tortilla covered with turkey ham that’s been wrapped in Edam cheese and drizzled with mango-flavored mayo.
At what point does your tongue go on strike?
5. Star Edge Pizza, by Pizza Hut Korea
Pizza is already perfect!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TRYING TO RUIN IT?!
Anyway, this variety of pizza-shaped nightmares is a combo dinner+dessert. And the top-down photo doesn’t even do it justice. Just look at this cross section:
Shrimp. Sausage. Bacon. Steak. Broccoli (which the ad doesn’t even highlight!). Topped off with crust that’s a turnover filled with either cranberry or apple cinnamon cream cheese.
That isn’t food, it’s a super-weapon the Joker would unleash on Gotham City.
But enough pizza. Let’s see how people are ruining hamburgers…
6. Gracoro Burger, by McDonald’s Japan
This is the first one on this list I would actually eat. That’s a patty made from macaroni, shrimp, white sauce, all breaded and fried and topped with demi glace and cheddar cheese. Plus, it’s a seasonal item, and in Japan it’s earned a cult following much like our McRib has here. Did you know Japan has its own version of the McRib? I didn’t! Pretty cool!
7. Pumpkin Bomb, by Burger King Japan
It might be named “Pumpkin Bomb,” but the pumpkin question is actually kabocha, a type of Japanese squash. It’s used in all kinds of dishes, so deep frying it and putting it on a burger doesn’t strike me as all that weird.
I just like that “Pumpkin Bomb” has the same name as The Green Goblin’s main weapon.
8. Lobster & Caviar Burger, by Wendy’s Japan
I guess I would try this one, but isn’t the whole point of eating lobster and caviar so that you can feel like a rich person? Wouldn’t a burger cancel that out? It’s like putting Truck Nutz on a Rolls Royce.
9. Foie Gras Burger, by Wendy’s Japan
This one seems like it was made just to troll Rush Limbaugh. Probably worked, too.
10. The Windows 7 Whopper, by Burger King Tokyo
You would do the same damage to your digestive tract by eating this as you would by eating a Windows 7 CD.
11. Zinger Double Down, by KFC Korea
American KFC already gave us the regular Double Down which, if you don’t know, is a cheese and bacon sandwich that replaced the bun two fried chicken breasts. The Korean KFC took it one step further and added a burger patty.
Which means we’ve been out America-ed!
12. Double Down Dog, by KFC Korea
There’s a typo in that ad. It should say, “Only 50 pieces will be served before the health inspector catches wind of what we’re doing and shuts us down forever.”
13. Black Cheese Donut, by Dunkin’ Donuts Indonesia
When I was in college, my friends and I liked to pass the time by debating a hypothetical question: if you had to give up either cheese or chocolate for the rest of your life, which would it be?” (This was before we discovered alcohol.) But now I know the real question is, “If you had to eat cheese and chocolate in the same donut, would you be able to stop crying?”
14. Kit Kat Sandwich, by First Kitchen in Japan
The whipped cream and the orange slices are fine, but why white bread? You weren’t invited to the party, white bread!
15. Kuro Pearl Burger, by Burger King Japan
What do you think gives the Kuro burger its signature black flavoring? Tar? A black hole? Recycled Oakland Raiders jerseys? Nope.
Actually, the bun is made…from bamboo charcoal.
i.e. the stuff you COOK your food with.
We’ve already seen buns and crusts made from different foods altogether. This is the first and only one made from something that isn’t even food.
You win, Burger King Japan. You win.